When you’re engaging in a casual fling with a woman, it’s pretty easy to get carried away. After all, everything’s fun and casual, right? But in reality, there are friends with benefits rules for guys who want to maintain this casual relationship. If you want to have safe, fun, and long-lasting hookup relationships with women, some rules need to be followed.
For brevity’s sake, this article distills all the FWB rules for guys into a handy top 10 list. That way, they’re easier to remember, and maintaining your FWBs will be much easier.
If you’d like to start FWB relationships with women—or if you’ve tried it before, but they all ended badly for some reason—then this article is for you. The 10 rules you’re about to learn should give you the guidance you need to do it right.
10 Friends With Benefits Rules for Guys
When you meet women you’re sexually attracted to, go ahead and make a connection. Learn about them, see if they’re worth spending time with, and then follow the following 10 rules.
Rule #1: Start off on the right foot
Ask her what she’s looking for in the dating game and take note of her answer:
- If she’s looking for “something serious,” then sorry, she’s not an FWB option. It’s probably best to just be friends with her, if at all.
- If she says she doesn’t know, then she’s likewise probably not a hookup candidate.
- If she tells you she’s looking for something casual or fun, or if she’s “just looking around,” that’s a good sign she’s open to a friends-with-benefits relationship
The next thing to do is give her a smooth proposition. “Same here. What do you say we swap numbers, and if either of us feels like having some fun, we contact each other?”
If she says “no,” don’t worry about it. Thank her for her time, and continue meeting other women until you find some who say “yes.”
On the other hand, if she readily gives you her number, it’s game on.
Rule #2: Meet weekly for sex
...Or every 10 days, or every two weeks—whatever you two agree upon. Whenever you two meet up, you must have sex. That’s the agenda. No dates, no errands, no helping each other with their homework.
You’ll have to understand: She’s not your girlfriend, and you’re not even trying to make her your girlfriend. The agreement you made was to be friends with benefits, which means two things: Friendship and sex. That’s it.
Any more than that, and you risk ending the relationship prematurely. And that’s a pity.
Rule #3: Groom like she was your girlfriend
That said, it should go without saying that even if she’s not your girlfriend, groom yourself like she was. After all, the goal is to make the relationship last as long as you want. There’s no sense turning it into a one-night stand—and a bad one at that—by neglecting your grooming.
Here are some basics to follow:
- Sport a flattering haircut.
- If you have a beard or goatee, make sure it’s clean and trimmed.
- The fastest way to look good? Upgrade your fashion sense.
- Wear a good cologne.
- Take a shower before the hookup (or at least clean up where it matters).
- Work out—there’s no reason not to.
Rule #4: Wrap your tool
This is one of the most important friends with benefits rules for guys out there. There’s no sense ruining your friends-with-relationships relationship with STDs and unwanted pregnancies, right? Every time you meet up with her, bring the rubber.
Rule #5: No cuddling and sleepovers allowed
This one’s another simple rule to follow. After sex, say you’ll see each other later, and leave. No one sleeps over, and no cuddles are to be had. The most you could allow is some pillow talk, but even then, keep it to a minimum. Otherwise, all those post-coital hormones might make one of you think you’re falling in love.
Rule #6: Minimize talk of your other relationships
Speaking of pillow talk: While you’re basking in the afterglow of sex, avoid talking about your other relationships. If she asks: “Are you seeing other women?”, you can tell her:
“Come on, we talked about this. No kissing and telling.”
Or you can say:
“Sorry—I don’t kiss and tell, so I neither confirm nor deny that I’m seeing other women.”
If you feel like she deserves a little info about yourself, then give her an honest “Yes” or “No,” but offer no more details. This is all in the interest of keeping the relationship as uncomplicated as possible.
Think of it this way: When she asks about the other women in your life, it means deep inside, she wants you all to herself. Her questions are her way of scoping out the competition. And that’s not a good sign if you want your relationship to remain sex-only.
Rule #7: No dates allowed
Another important friends with benefits rules for guys: She’s not your girlfriend. It can’t be emphasized enough.
That means you shouldn’t go on non-hookup dates. No dinners, no movies, no shopping trips.
Simply meet up and have sex. That’s what makes FWB relationships so simple and fun.
Now, you might ask: “Come on, I’m sure a date isn’t all that bad, right?”
Well, not if you’re okay with potentially ending your FWB relationship sooner rather than later. Once you start dating her, she might start having “boyfriend expectations” of you. It’s a slippery slope you might want to avoid.
On the other hand, if you’re growing tired of your relationship and you’d like to end it soon, go right ahead and date her. When she starts making boyfriend-only demands of you, then you’ll have a ready excuse to end the relationship.
Rule #8: Don't introduce her to friends and family
Likewise, don’t introduce her to anyone important to you. Not only would it be awkward for her (and your friends and family), but it also sets expectations that your relationship is something more.
Rule #9: Keep meeting other women--one of the most important FWB rules for guys
One of the advantages of friends with benefits is that there’s no limit to how many you can have. You can have as many FWBs as you can handle.
In fact, it’s advisable to have more than just one—that way, you won’t get attached to any one of them. Also, if one stops seeing you, it’s not a problem—you’ll have others waiting in the wings.
Rule #10: Don’t get jealous if she finds someone else
It goes both ways, by the way. If a woman is your FWB, she can also sleep around with more than one guy if she wants. Not that you need to know, nor should you prod her about her other relationships, anyway.
If by chance you find out she’s seeing other guys besides you, do not get jealous. There’s no reason to be. If you do, it means you see her as your girlfriend, and it’s not really just a friends-with-benefits relationship.
When that happens, she’ll likely end things with you. And unless you have other friends-with-benefits in your life, you’ll be back to square one.
Meanwhile, if you follow all these 10 FWB rules for guys, you’ll quickly see how simple and sustainable your relationships can be. Stick to the plan, and you’ll be in for months, maybe even years, of good sex with like-minded women.
One Final Note on Having Friends with Benefits
Now, following these 10 rules will guarantee the survival of your friends-with-benefits relationships. But even then, there are ways to make your FWB escapades even more enjoyable. Here are some of them:
Be actual friends
As the name implies, you’re friends with benefits. So be friendly with her. Your relationship should be anchored by mutual respect and companionship, even if you only meet once every week or two.
Accept the fact that all good things come to an end
This is a big one. Take note that all friends-with-benefits relationships will eventually end. No exceptions. There are many ways an FWB relationship would end, including:
- One of you meets someone else they want to date seriously. Your FWB relationship might get in the way of that, so it has to end.
- One of you gets tired of the other. It happens—sometimes you just want to stop seeing each other and start seeing other people. That’s fine, and you can remain friends if you wish.
- One of you starts wanting to get serious. Either you or she wants to turn your FWB relationship into an exclusive, long-term one. Whether or not you do, the “sex-only” setup ends.
Most FWB relationships last between 3-18 months on average. That’s just the product of human nature—eventually, we want some things to change in our lives.
And that brings us to the last lesson of this article:
What if you want a new relationship?
Yes, it’s quite possible for a casual fling to turn into a real, exclusive, long-term relationship. You, too, can pull it off—but only if you do it right. In case you want to be prepared for that eventuality, you can start showing her that you want to be serious about your relationship.
So there you have it—the Top 10 friends with benefits rules for guys. Follow them and all the other “best practices” outlined in this article, and you and your lady friends will be enjoying each other for a long, long time.