There are no two ways about it, going through a breakup is hard. It’s undoubtedly leading you to wonder how long does it take to get over a breakup.
Well, no fear, we’ve got your back. Even though you’re hurting right now, I want to help you get through this period and get back to normal quickly.
There are a lot of factors involved here so we’ll be diving in that in some detail. I’ll also go over tips you can put into action right now to help you move on faster.
The factors to figure out how long does it take to get over a breakup
The common suggestion is that getting over the relationship takes half as long as you were together. Obviously, this is garbage. You won’t spend five years grieving after a 10-year long relationship! Likewise, nobody needs an entire month to get over an eight week Tinder fling.
This is why we don’t take our relationship advice from “Sex And The City.”
In the real world, every relationship and breakup is different so there’s no magic number. When you break up with a girl or if she breaks up with you, a lot of factors come into play. Scientists have even tried to discern some kind of reliable timeframe with little success. The end result was ultimately some loose figures and a long list of caveats.
Instead, let’s take a look at the factors that got into answering how long does it take to get over an ex.
How serious was your relationship?
This is the most influential factor in determining how long does it take to get over a breakup.
A serious relationship often leads to more complexities and this can take much longer to get over. If you were focused on building a life together, losing that can leave a big hole.
You were talking about future vacations. Maybe you were married, had a house and children. All of a sudden, your future has taken a very different route and this can take some time to adjust to.
Alternatively, if the relationship was more casual and non-committal, this should be far easier to move on from.
How long were you together?
Time is a major factor in answering how long does it take to get over an ex. No matter how serious the relationship, the longer you’re together, the more habits you form with each other. This is great in a healthy relationship but when it comes to breaking up, it makes moving on more difficult.
In the weeks after the breakup, all those little habits serve as constant reminders. Even something simple like buying groceries can remind you of your ex.
Was the relationship in trouble long before the breakup?
While some relationships end quite abruptly, others show a number of early warning signs. Constant arguing in the months leading up can make a huge difference in figuring out how long does it take to get over a breakup.
You will have started to build your defenses some time ago, even if you weren’t aware of it. Before the breakup even happened, a part of you was already coming to terms with this as a potential outcome.
On the other hand, if things seemed perfect then all of a sudden it’s over, this catches you off guard. Raising countless questions that you may never find an answer to.
Who ended the relationship?
If you were the one to end the relationship, rationalizing its demise is a far easier task. There were obviously a number of factors involved and you’ve already had time to think them through.
This doesn’t mean you can’t be sad that it’s over. Having that sense of control and knowing that it was the right decision certainly makes things easier.
Do you understand why it ended?
Closure is an important part of all emotional healing. If you don’t really understand why the relationship ended, finding that closure can be challenging. It leaves you sitting around wondering what exactly went wrong, asking yourself how long does it take to get over an ex.
Even if you don’t agree with her reasoning, it’s worth asking the question of why. It gives you a solid basis to work from which makes the process faster for you both.
How happy are you with the rest of your life?
This can be a confronting question but it’s also a significant factor. If you’ve been struggling with things lately, losing your partner can leave you feeling very alone.
Without even realizing it, you may have been relying on them for company and support and suddenly that’s all gone.
If you’re in a great place in life, you’ll have no shortage of positives to distract you while you’re healing.
How to get over your ex faster
Now that we’ve covered how long does it take to get over a breakup, time to look at some actionable steps. You can put these in place right now to help you move on quickly.
You might feel guilty for wanting to move on faster but you deserve to be in a better place.
None of this is about forgetting what you shared together. Instead, think of it as a way to become a better version of yourself. Who knows, this may even help you get that relationship back if that’s your goal.
Take some time for you
Immediately after a breakup, you’ll have a lot you want to talk about. Rather than giving in to that, force yourself to take some time away from it all. Don't be tempted to try to be friends with your ex at this stage.
Creating that space between the two of you is a healthy and important step. It allows emotions to simmer down and gives you both a chance to see things from a different perspective.
Focus on self-care
Even though you may not want to right now, work on taking care of yourself. Get outside in the sunshine, stay active and work on becoming the best version of yourself you can be.
Small steps like this are often a huge turning point in the healing process. It reminds you of the positive things in your life at a time when all you might be feeling is pain.
Go get a haircut, hit the gym and watch our video dating course and become a happier, more confident you. The course covers so much about becoming this better version of yourself which is exactly what you need right now.
You deserve to be happy and that won’t happen if you’re glued to the couch feeling like you aren’t enough.
Date other women and see for yourself that your ex isn’t the only one
It’s completely normal to feel as though the only person in the world that can make you happy is your ex. It’s part of the breakup process but that doesn’t make it true.
The best way to move past this feeling is to prove it to yourself. Jump on any of the online dating platforms out there, go on a few dates then see how you feel. I assure you it’ll make a big difference and allow you to take huge strides in getting over your ex.
To save you some time and frustration, we reviewed the top-100 dating apps and websites, picking out the best. Take a look at our reviews and go with the one that suits you best. The last thing you need is a garbage dating site right now!
Try to look at the situation objectively
Admittedly, this step can be more challenging but it’s an important part of recovery. Emotions affect the way we view a breakup. Often this leads to a very skewed version of events.
Rather than focusing on what you’ve lost or how it makes you feel, do your best to set this aside for now. Could certain parts of the relationship have been handled better? Were the two of you really a good fit long term? Is it possible you might be better off without her?
There are a range of questions that will come from this and only you can answer them.
Remove reminders of her from your day to day life (at least for now)
If you broke up with an ex you lived with, this is especially important. You shared a space together, and everything can remind you of her. And while cleaning up is the last thing on your mind right now, make it a priority to remove reminders of your ex, especially sentimental ones.
I find that coming home from work to see cards, photos, gifts, etc. immediately pulls me back into the wrong headspace. It makes it impossible to forget about an ex.
Rather than putting yourself through that every day, put those reminders somewhere out of sight for now. Once you feel as though you’ve moved on from the relationship you can always bring them back out.
If you don’t allow yourself to take that space this will all take so much longer than it needs to.
Consider removing her from your social media
Seeing her social channels each day serves as another reminder of what you lost. Just as I mentioned above, it pulls you straight back into that headspace which can be very confronting. It's not going to help you stop thinking about your ex.
Seeing photos of her having fun with friends or maybe even around other guys is even worse. They could just be friends and she may have been having a terrible day and just put on a happy face for that photo. All you’re going to see though is your ex moving on and being happy without you.
It’s best to avoid her social media for a month or so until you’re in a better headspace. You can always message her and explain why you’re doing it to avoid making things worse.
If you’re unsure why it ended, try communicating about it
Once you’ve both had a bit of time to cool down, try to have a civil conversation about why things ended. If you didn't know you should break up, you can talk to them for closure.
Remember that you aren’t looking for a debate. If she broke up with you, there’s no right or wrong reason. Instead, what you’re searching for is understanding and closure.
Let her know that you’re trying to move on to a happy, healthy place and understanding ‘why’ will help. If you can create a space that’s free from judgment and anger, it will be productive.
In this kind of environment, she’ll feel safe sharing her feelings more openly which gives you a deeper understanding. You may not like or agree with what you hear but at least it helps you to move on.
Is there an easy way to get over an ex fast? Maybe. But dealing with a breakup is a very challenging process. With a better understanding and these actionable tips, getting through that phase will be faster and easier to deal with.
Focus on yourself rather than what you’ve lost and spend as much time out of the house as you can. You’ll thank yourself for making that effort in the weeks and months to come.