If you want to have a great time with a woman during your first meeting, how long should a first date last?
It’s an important question a lot of men ask themselves. Some people think a date should be very long so you get to know the person better. Others believe it should be as short as possible to quickly see if there’s a spark of chemistry or not.
Truth is, it depends entirely on each situation and both short and long dates have their own pros and cons. I’ll explain everything in great detail below, so that you’ll know how long your date should last.
How Long Should a First Date Last?
How long should a first date be? It depends entirely on your goals with the woman you want to meet. As well as how much time you both have.
That’s because not everyone has the time to go on a four- to five-hour-long date in this day and age. Most people have either work, school, chores or various other responsibilities. So it’s quite a luxury these days if you can spend most of your day on a date.
Besides all that, there’s also the question of your goals with the woman you’re meeting.
If you want to have a better chance at hooking up with someone, the first date should take as long as possible. Unless there’s instant sexual chemistry right from the moment you both meet.
If, however, you have serious intentions and want to build a long-term relationship, it’s much better to have multiple shorter dates in the beginning.
This may sound very counterintuitive and completely opposite to what most people believe. But that’s just how these things work in most cases. With some exceptions to the rule, of course.
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The pros of having a long first date (more than 3 hours)
Long dates are incredibly good for hooking up the same day. Because it takes a bit of time to establish trust with a person after you meet them for the first time. This also builds some rapport, comfort, a deeper connection, and sexual tension.
All of these things are necessary for someone to want to hook up with you.
The main exception to this is when you both like each other instantly when you meet and are both looking to hook up right away. Which isn’t that uncommon, but pretty rare nonetheless.
The other exception is if you both find each other so fascinating that you can talk to one another forever, without losing any interest. In that case it doesn’t matter if you want to hook up or build something long-term. Because you’ve already hit the jackpot!
You see, most men who are good at seduction know that it takes some time for women to warm up to you. Especially if you want to hook up but they’re not that into you in the first place. And usually, when you’re meeting someone for the first time, their feelings towards you are pretty lukewarm.
Also, there are many women who will simply not sleep with you on the first date. But most women won’t have any qualms about sleeping with you on the second or third date. And two or three good dates amount to about four to eight hours.
So if you can have a great first date which lasts four to eight hours, plenty of women will feel they’ve spent enough time with you to sleep with you.
Basically, the more time you spend with someone, the more opportunities you have to build attraction and sexual tension and show them how awesome you are.
The cons of having a long first date
There are a few downsides to having a very long date, however.
If you’re not that good at dating and having long conversations, things can quickly become awkward. Especially if you often run out of conversation topics and things to say.
What’s worse, the date can quickly turn into a boring “interview,” which is something many women dread. Because it saps out the joy and the fun out of a date.
That’s why long dates are usually for people who are great conversationalists. And also for people who can have fun everywhere, no matter the setting.
Another reason why a long date could potentially be bad is that it can become really expensive. But that depends entirely on what you both plan on doing. I’ll talk more about this later.
The biggest downside, however, is the loss of intrigue and mystery. Especially if you’re prone to sharing way too much information about yourself.
This can make women lose attraction towards you really quickly if you tend to overshare and only talk about yourself.
A really good way to avoid this is to turn the topic of conversation towards the girl and not yourself. As well as focus on fun and on telling various funny, exciting or interesting stories and anecdotes from your life. This will actually build intrigue and mystery, which will make her more attracted to you.
Pros of having a short first date (less than 3 hours)
So how long should a first date last if you want to have the biggest chances of landing a girlfriend? Ideally, it should last between an hour or two.
Don’t expect to hook up with your love interest very quickly this way, though. Because she won’t be very comfortable with you in that short amount of time. Although you’ll have much better chances of landing the second and many other dates with her in the future when your first meeting is short and sweet.
That’s because if you have a really good time with her but don’t hang around too long, she’ll have plenty of opportunities to start missing you. And then she’ll begin thinking of you until your next date. And when a woman starts missing your company, her attraction towards you skyrockets in anticipation!
Another pro of a short date is that you can have a quick coffee date or go for drinks. This doesn’t put much pressure on any of you and you can quickly leave if your date isn’t to your liking.
All in all, short dates are perfect for getting to know someone quickly and building intrigue. Which makes them ideal if you’re dating multiple women at the same time.
Cons of having a short first date
The biggest downside and danger to a short date is the fact that you can lose the other person if they’re dating multiple people at the same time.
For example, let’s say you went out on a quick 30-minute walk in the park with a girl. You had a great time but one of you had to leave. No matter how good your date was, if there was another guy she met after you and their date went really well, then it’s very likely she’ll be much more interested in him than you. And you won’t get a second date at all because she’ll want to meet him instead.
That’s why I don’t even recommend quick dates that last less than an hour, especially with very popular women. Unless you don’t hit it off and want to cut the date short yourself.
Another huge con of having a short date is that you won’t have enough time to get to know her very well. This means you might not notice some red flags about her, which can make you believe that she’s a great match for you when she’s not.
Besides that, a very short date is usually not that fun. Because people often focus on getting to know the other person and seeing if they’re cool and not some weirdo. This usually puts fun on the backburner.
How long should a date be in general?
So how long should a date last for best results then?
Most of my best dates usually take about two hours, teetering on three. It’s the ideal time to get to know someone and sometimes even hook up with them if you both have a wonderful time. It’s right on the edge of being able to hook up with someone and make them want to meet you eagerly for the second date if you don’t have sex yet.
Whatever you both decide, everything still hinges on how much time you have available.
Many people just won’t have the time to spend most of their day with you. This is exactly why you should ask the girl right from the start how much time she has and whether she’s in a hurry or not. So you can plan your date ahead and make it as best as it can be.
And if your goal is to hook up, make sure you meet Friday towards the evening or on a Saturday, for best results.
Signs of a Good First Date
Now that we know how long a date should be, let’s talk about the main signs of a good first date. Let’s face it; the length of time you spend together shouldn’t matter as much as the quality of your time together.
When a date goes really well, a woman will show you many signs she wants to kiss you. That’s why it’s very important to pay attention to her body language. Since a woman’s body language will tell you a lot about how well your first date is going.
If her eye contact is warm and she holds your gaze for a long time, it’s a great sign. If she’s comfortable being close to you and smiles a lot, listens to you eagerly and talks a lot about herself, then it’s even better.
Breaking the touch barrier
One of the other main signs a first date went well is when she’s very receptive to your touch. That’s because touch is one of the most important things in seduction. So watch her reactions when you touch her arm or her shoulder and see if she likes it or not.
After the date
After the date, a great sign she enjoyed your company is if she texts you first and says something positive. Especially if she then suggests a time and place for a second date herself.
Then there are the common signs: You both laughed a lot, had fun and found the other person interesting. She paid attention to you, had her phone away for most of the date and kept hanging on your every word. She asked you many questions and seemed genuinely interested in you as a person.
That said, the absolute biggest sign a first date went well is if she eagerly wants to meet you for a second one.
How Many Dates Should a Guy Pay For?
Besides the question of “How long should a first date last?” there’s the question of who’s going to pay for it. In fact, it’s a very common question about dating in general everyone seems to have a different opinion on.
Traditionally, most people expect men to pay.
Personally, I’d recommend not committing to an expensive dinner date for the first meeting. I save the expensive dates for later in the relationship, for the people I care about and date long-term. For first dates, I go grab coffee, go for a walk, do some kind of fun activity together or go dancing, among other things.
This strategy quickly filters out all the gold diggers. It also shows you’re not too eager to please and don’t put her on a pedestal. As well as demonstrate the fact you rely on your personality and charm, as opposed to money, to show someone a good time. Which is really attractive in and of itself.
That said, it’s completely up to you if you want to pay for many dates or not. So long as you don’t let women exploit you. So if you ask her out, it’s only good manners to offer to pay for the date.
If she suggests the place, check to see if it’s expensive or not. If it’s not, you can pay since it’s not a big deal. But if it’s an expensive place, suggest splitting the bill before going there. This is to let her know you’re not some sugar daddy or someone she can exploit to get expensive food.
However, if she insists on splitting the bill herself, no matter where you go, then just go with the flow and do it. Don’t worry, it’s not a bad sign and she won’t think less of you
As you can see, how long a first date should last depends entirely on what you want to achieve and how much time you have to achieve it.
Both long and short dates are viable. But short dates are usually (not always) best for building intrigue and making someone miss you and want to meet you as soon as possible. And longer dates are often the best way to hook up with someone the same day.
Remember, however, that no matter how long or short your dates are, focus on having fun, building a connection and sexual chemistry.