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How to Hook Up with a Girl With Ease (9 Steps to Sealing the Deal)


So, you want to hook up with a girl? Well, I can’t blame you! Beautiful, attractive, smart women are everywhere. Your desire to get physical is not only natural but also totally understandable. If you want to know how to hook up with a girl but aren’t sure where to start, you’ve come to the right place. By developing a strategy and taking specific steps, you can set yourself up for success.

First, let’s define “hooking up.” Most often, it translates to “having casual sex.” However, the term holds different meanings, depending on who you talk to. In certain cases, hooking up simply means meeting up with someone, but that definition is relatively uncommon these days. For some, it might just imply a makeout session, and for others, it may signify doing everything but actual sex.

For all intents and purposes, let’s say hooking up means going all the way with someone you aren’t in a serious relationship with. Are you ready to get started?

The Hookup Apps Dating Coaches Recommend Most

Whether you're looking for your first hookup or are more experienced there are a few apps that tend to give regular guys the best results. These are the ones that our dating coaches have seen guys consistently have the best results with:

Best For Long-Term Relationships
eHarmony Highlights
eHarmony Highlights
  • Easily the best option for long-term relationships
  • 75% of all online marriages start here
  • 70% of users meet their spouse within a year
  • In-depth signup and matching process
Best App For Hookups Right Now
AFF Highlights
AFF Highlights
  • The best way to meet singles for hookups by far
  • Best results for regular guys
  • Over 60 million active members
  • Free trial to check it out
Good If You Really Have It Together
Tinder Highlights
Tinder Highlights
  • A very good option if you're very attractive
  • Top 5-10% of guys get solid results
  • Free to try
  • Can be very frustrating for regular guys

How to Hook Up with a Girl - The Steps

Casual sex can be a great thing, especially when both parties are on the same page about what it means (or doesn’t mean). You like a girl and she likes you too, so why not have some fun? If you’re wondering how to hook up with a girl, the following steps should put you in a good spot for getting laid.

1. Find a girl

You may already have a lovely lady in mind, but if not, the first step in hooking up with a girl is finding one. Maybe you're looking to get laid in college and you're about to attend a party. Perhaps there’s someone you’re interested in, but you haven’t approached her yet. Or maybe you have a flirtatious friendship with a girl and want to take things a step further. If you don’t have your sights set on anyone, you can hop on one of the hookup apps that actually work or hit up your local bar to find a hottie.

We have put together a great guide for finding local hookups for guys who haven't had a lot of success yet.

2. Flatter her

In general, girls want to hook up with guys who find them attractive--whether she's just someone you met or a booty call who already has some idea that you want to sleep with her. By flattering her, you’ll make her feel like you’re honored to be in her presence and that you know how lucky you’d be to hook up with her. Does she have one of the prettiest smiles you’ve ever seen? Is she funnier than most people you know? Does she have killer legs, great style or gorgeous hair? Tell her!

Providing positive affirmations is one of the best ways to get to a girl’s heart––and into her pants. With that said, I don’t recommend spouting out insincere compliments or generic one-liners. A simple “You’re so hot” might not quite cut it, even if she is so hot. Really take a minute to think about what her most attractive qualities are, and find a charming way to express it to her. Then watch out for signs that she wants to sleep with you and you're on!

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3. How to hook up with a girl by flirting

After offering up some earnest compliments, it’s time to get your flirt on. Think of this step as verbal foreplay. Flirtation will allow you to really test out your chemistry with a girl. If you don’t have flirtatious chemistry, there’s a good chance you won’t connect in bed. When a girl is looking around the room and responding with short answers, she’s most likely not interested. Take the hint and don’t hover. The last thing you want is for her to tell her friends you’re creepy because then they probably won’t want to hook up with you either.

Nonetheless, a bit of banter and some light teasing can go a long way. This also applies when you're subtly sexting with a girl on Whatsapp. But with teasing, don’t take it too far. If you offend a girl, she might just turn around and leave. Instead of making fun of her, tease her with compliments. For example, you might tell her she’s so cute that it’s making you lose your focus.

In addition to flirty small talk, use body language to express your attraction. Sit a little closer and tilt your head in while you’re chatting. You should also smile, laugh and make eye contact. You might even try a quick wink––it’s a little old-fashioned, but there’s nothing like a wink to show a girl there’s something between just the two of you. If she’s responding positively, you might play with her hair a little, and maybe brush her arm or touch her elbow.

4. Test out your chemistry with a kiss

Beyond flirting and body language, your connection will eventually be put to the test with your first kiss. Is the banter going well? Is she showing her interest by touching your arm, leg or even your face? If so, there’s a good chance she is open to kissing.

You don’t necessarily have to ask a girl if it’s OK to kiss her, but at the very least, you should pick up on her nonverbal cues. Look into her eyes and tilt your head toward her face, parting your lips slightly. If she’s into it, she’ll lean in, too. Then go ahead and lock lips.

Remember that first kisses aren’t always the best. If you’re lucky, sparks will fly. But if not, it doesn’t necessarily mean the sex will be bad. Keep the banter going and try again. Just make sure you’re attentive to the way she’s responding. If it doesn’t seem like she’s into it, don’t take it personally and move on.

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5. Heat things up

After your first kiss or makeout session, you can be relatively certain that she’s attracted to you. Now’s the time to heat things up physically. Try putting a hand on her waist or gently grabbing a handful of her hair. Maybe squeeze her thigh or rest your hand between her legs. Your confidence at this stage will show her how confident you are in bed. And if things are still flowing, you might have a chance of getting lucky.

Everyone has different comfort levels and boundaries when it comes to PDA. If you had your first kiss at a bar or a party among lots of other people, she might not want to heat things up in that environment. But that doesn’t mean she’s not interested.

6. Be patient and read her cues

Keep in mind that you won’t necessarily get to hook up with a girl the first time you meet her or the night of your first kiss. If it’s clearly not happening right away, don’t be afraid to ask for her phone number so you can pick up where you left off another day.

Besides, if one or both of you are in the company of friends, she might be more comfortable hanging out one on one. And don’t worry––meeting up another time doesn’t mean either of you wants anything serious. You’ve got to find some privacy to hook up, after all.

Also, a hot and heavy makeout session does not always mean a girl wants to hook up with you. So, be patient, intuitive, and receptive to all her cues.

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7. How to get a girl to hook up with you by communicating your intentions

The next step to hooking up is communicating your intentions. And yes, I mean verbally. You know the classic overprotective fatherly line, “What are your intentions?” Well, what are they? Of course, if you’re both adults, you won’t need to answer to her parents, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t convey your desire to get it on.

If you’re only interested in casual sex, let her know. Hanging out a few times can be misconstrued as dating, so honesty is crucial. In some cases, hooking up might lead to something more serious. However, if you have no desire in making her your girlfriend, be sure to let her know.

8. Invite her back to your place

Once you’ve expressed your interest in having sex and she responds with reciprocation, you can invite her back to your place. If she says yes, you’re almost there! It may seem obvious, but you should make sure to tidy up before inviting anyone home for sex––bonus points if you wash your bedding, too.

It’s important to note that even if she agrees to come home with you, sex is still not a guarantee. The only way to move things forward when she gets to your place is with an enthusiastic “Yes.” Don’t be afraid of making it awkward or ruining the moment. Consent is sexy, and without it, hooking up is off the table. Plus, clearly stating your intentions and asking her if she wants to hook up shows confidence. In turn, you’ll come off as even more attractive.

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9. Play it cool

Lastly, if she’s not feeling it, don’t take it personally and move on. Casual sex is a tricky game, and getting angry or accusing a girl of leading you on is just not a good look. Effectively hitting on someone takes practice. If you don’t hit it home on your first try, no sweat! Take what you learned and apply it to the next girl.

At this point, you should have a pretty decent idea of how to hook up with a girl. While these steps can be used as a general guideline, remember that it’s impossible to plan out every single move. At its core, hooking up is about spontaneity. So, play it cool, be receptive and reevaluate as you go.


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