Why You Aren’t Having Sex In College (And How To Turn Things Around)

couple kissing and having sex in college

For many people, college is a life-changing experience. It’s often the first time you’ll live away from home, make your own schedule, and have more freedom overall. Also, for a lot of young men and women, college is a chance to experiment with new things–including sex.

Having sex in college can feel like a right of passage. And yet, if you’re not getting laid as much as you want to, you might feel confused and frustrated. So, is there anything you can do about it? Luckily for you, there is!

How To Make Sure You're Having Sex In College

Maybe you’re a virgin starting your freshman year of college. Perhaps you’re a junior with some sexual experience under your belt. Or you might be somewhere in between. In any case, you’re probably wondering how to break out of your dry spell.

If you want to know how to turn things around, I’ve got you covered. Before sharing tips to improve your game, I’ll go over a few reasons why you might not be having sex in college.

Why you’re not having sex in college

College campuses are overflowing with attractive young people who are at least somewhat ambitious. You can find students socializing and partying any night of the week–and virtually all of them are legal adults. Off-campus there are also plenty of great places to find casual hookups near you.

So, what’s stopping you (or anyone) from having sex in college? Here are a few reasons why it’s not working out.

You need to try this

You’re too picky

When you meander through campus to and from classes and study sessions, you probably see beautiful women left and right. And if you’re on Tinder or another dating app, you can basically view a database of all the cute girls at your college. With so many hotties out there, you might have unrealistic expectations of the type of woman you want to hook up with.

Dating and hookup apps are excellent tools for meeting people. However, the endless swipe-left design can mess with your head a little. It’s easy to get into a mindset where you think you can find someone hotter if you just keep swiping.

The same goes for meeting people in person. If you always have your sights set on the next person, you won’t get anywhere with the woman in front of you. Whether on Tinder or on campus, try to think outside your typical type. When you expand your horizons, you’ll boost your chances of getting laid.

You’re too stressed

College is an inherently stressful time. It’s common to feel overwhelmed by academic pressures and the financial burden of being a student. Even if you want to have sex in college, you might not realize stress is getting in your way.

In The Atlantic’s issue “The Sex Recession,” Kate Julian explains that depression and anxiety rates for young people have been skyrocketing. Anxiety, depression and chronic stress are known to suppress a person’s desire to have sex.

Combine midterms and tuition payments with sleep deprivation and a part-time job? You’ve got a recipe for severe stress. This can impact both your social life and your sex life. If possible, try to find ways to relax and slow down once in a while.

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You think you’re entitled to sex

The thing about college is that it has a reputation that precedes the actual experience. I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of a single college movie in which people aren’t having sex. It’s understandable to assume everyone is getting it on all the time.

You might have thought that as soon as you set foot on campus, you’d be hooking up left and right. Everyone around you is young, hot and presumably horny, so why aren’t you sleeping with more people?

First of all, sex doesn’t just happen, and you’re not entitled to it simply because you’re a university student. I mean, sure, the freedom you have in college is an opportunity to have spontaneous experiences. That being said, you’ve got to find a willing partner and put in at least a little bit of work.

You don’t have any privacy

If you live in a dorm room or another type of campus housing, you might not have very much privacy. Living away from your parents for the first time comes with its liberties. However, sharing a dorm room or studio apartment with another person might offer you less privacy than you had at home.

You could be hitting it off with a cutie from class. When you bring her back to your dorm for some pillow talk, you might bump into your roommate. Then you’re back to square one. So, what’s a guy to do? Campus housing creates a substantial roadblock for your sex life, but there’s hope.

Try to work out a deal with your roommate where you both get a few hours of uninterrupted privacy a week. If they don’t oblige, you can do your best to figure out their class schedule and work around it. Another option is to develop a code word that translates to “Please give us some privacy.” If all else fails, leaving a sock or rubber band on the doorknob is an oldie but a goodie.

You’re partying too hard

If college life is known for one thing, it’s probably partying. A lot of students drink throughout their college experience, and some try other recreational drugs.

When you’re under the influence, you might be more inclined to approach a woman. Also, you may assume girls with lowered inhibitions are more likely to have sex with you. Partying and sex are known to go hand-in-hand. However, it’s not always the case, and partying too hard can hurt your sex life more than it helps.

If you get too drunk, the act of sex is harder to accomplish. Not only that, hooking up with a drunk girl you meet at a party brings up the question of consent. It’s crucial both of you are sober enough to verbally consent to sex. If either one of you is incoherently drunk, it’s not safe to assume both parties want it to happen.

People are having sex in college less than they used to

Despite what many people assume about hooking up in college, young people are having less sex than they used to. According to the biennial Youth Risk Behavior Survey by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), the majority of teens aren’t doing it.

Between 1991 and 2017, the rate of sexually active teens dropped from 54% to 40%. So, if it makes you feel any better, your peers probably aren’t having as much sex as you think.

How To Turn Things Around (And Heat Up Your Sex Life)

By now, you should be able to pinpoint why you’re not having as much sex in college as you’d like. Here’s how you can turn it around.

Learn from your mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes. It’s totally normal to fumble through your dating and sex life–– especially in college when you’re still getting your bearings. If hitting on a girl doesn’t go as you expect it to or you have a less-than-satisfactory hookup, it’s OK. Brush it off, consider what went wrong, and try again. Life’s too short to wallow in regret.

Update your dating profiles

While I recommend getting to know women outside of apps, they can still be a great way to meet people. With that said, updating your dating profiles will help you get more matches.

It may seem obvious, but a few essentials for dating app profiles include:

  • Good, clear photos
  • Photos of just yourself (avoid group shots)
  • Basic information, such as the college you go to and your major
  • Something interesting about yourself
  • What you’re looking for
  • A little humor and lightheartedness

Try not to bee too cocky or self-deprecating. It doesn’t take much to stand out from the crowd on Tinder. Just be yourself and showcase your best qualities.

Revise your approach

If you’re used to heading to a party hoping to get drunk and find a girl to hook up with? I recommend updating your approach. After all, in college, you have essentially non-stop opportunities to meet women.

You might elevate your chances of getting laid if you attempt to get to know someone in a sober setting. Classes, university sporting events, and other on-campus gatherings are great places to meet people. Don’t assume you’ll hook up immediately after meeting someone, either. It could happen, but a laid-back, patient approach is key.

Get a girlfriend

Did you know people in relationships have more sex than singles? This might be hard to believe if you’re under the impression that college is all about casual sex. For some people, it might be. On the other hand, you’ve got a better shot at having regular sex if you get a girlfriend. 

Of course, you might not want a girlfriend. And I don’t recommend getting into a relationship for the sole purpose of having sex in college. However, if you’re open to it, it might really enhance your college experience.

Don't Give Up On Having Sex In College

Your sex life won’t always play out exactly how you’d like it to. But as long as you’re open, respectful, resilient and safe, things should start looking up.

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