Learning how to break the ice on Tinder is possibly the most important skill that you’ll learn. As a man, it’s up to you to get the conversation started most of the time. That means if you can’t kick things off, you’re destined to be another silent match in her list.
You and I both know you’re better than that so today I’m going to go through some tips to help out.
Whether you’re unsure what to say first on Tinder or you’ve tried and had no response, it’s okay. We’ve all been there and it’s totally normal.
Tinder is a very shallow and fast-paced numbers game. If you’ve only tried talking to one or two women, you need to put yourself out there more. It could simply be that the two women you did message have uninstalled the app. The silence may have nothing to do with you at all.
If you’re looking to improve your dating game all around, we have the perfect solution for that too. We’ve designed a fantastic video dating course aimed at learning how to attract and land dates from women over 30. No matter what your weak points are, you’re going to get a lot of value from it.
With that in mind, let’s get into the things you need to know when learning how to break the ice on Tinder.
One huge positive for you and I is that overall, men on these apps set the bar incredibly low. If you’re really struggling with what to say first on Tinder, remember this fact.
If you’ve never looked at a woman’s Tinder, you may be surprised at just how bad it is. Saying literally anything at all will put you ahead of a large portion of your competition.
Even then, our study found that 38 percent of men who do message women will say some variation of “Hey”, “Hi” or “How are you?” Yes, seriously.
I’d suggest taking a look at our article and infographic about what men say in their first online dating message. It really puts things into perspective.
Being sexual on Tinder is absolutely acceptable, just not as an ice breaker. Even if you mean it as a joke, that may be lost on her, unfortunately.
What you have to remember is that she’ll have a lot of matches to choose from. She’s also used to scrolling through a mass of rubbish messages and “DTF?” ice breakers. If your opener looks like one of those at first glance, it’s unlikely you’ll get any further than that.
There are so many better topics to choose from so let the sexual stuff come later.
Of course, there are some cases when a woman starts off being super sexual. In that case, you can tease her a bit before asking her some sexual questions that just might get you laid fast.
You don’t have to message her the moment you match, just don’t try doing it three months later.
Every now and then this will happen for one reason or another and that’s okay. What you don’t want to do is go maxing out your daily swipe limit and only messaging your matches every month or so.
Doing this is going to lower your success rate significantly. If she was excited to see that you both matched initially, that excitement has long been forgotten. Even worse, people come and go from Tinder all the time. Leaving it too long increases the chances that she deletes the app in that time.
Even if she installs it again, she’s probably not going to respond to old messages. Strike while the iron is hot and you’ll see an immediate improvement in the number of responses you get.
More often than not, guys aren’t sure how to break the ice on Tinder and so they just don’t do it! It can feel a bit intimidating but after the first couple of times, you’ll feel so much more comfortable.
Nobody likes to feel like just a number in a system. The more you can demonstrate that you’re paying attention to her, the better your success rate is going to be. After all, you did try to write a good Tinder bio, right? Wouldn't it be nice if your matches noticed?
I’ve definitely had a couple of instances where women were just pasting the same opener. It felt generic and insincere -- like I was opening a lazy marketing email rather than having a conversation.
Take a minute or so to read her bio and look through her photos. Somewhere in there, you’re going to find something of interest. Mentioning that in your opener shows that you’ve put in a bit of effort and deserve that attention.
If you’ve read some of my other Tinder articles, you’re probably sick of seeing me repeat this point. Good! It’s important enough to make its way into these articles every time for a reason.
The ability to develop and convey a good sense of humor gives you a massive advantage. In a sea of blank conversations and one-word openers, the ability to make her laugh is huge. It's one of the best ways to flirt with a girl on Tinder without looking like a creep.
Even if your opening joke just gets you noticed enough to start a conversation, that’s all you really need. Once you’ve reached that point, keeping it going is usually easier than you might think.
If you’re struggling a bit with Tinder conversation in general, you’re in luck. We’ve talked extensively about how to talk to girls on Tinder. I broke down the biggest mistakes guys make and how to correct them.
This is a much bigger deal than you might expect. Particularly if she’s in a field where her own spelling and grammar are important.
I actually dated a lawyer for a few years which meant spending a lot of time around her lawyer friends. Any time the topic of Tinder came up, this was one of their biggest reasons to unmatch someone. “Ugh, seriously learn how to use an apostrophe… unmatch” was a very common phrase. They were better off communicating with photos on Tinder!
If spelling or grammar aren’t your strong points, technology is there to help. I’d suggest downloading the Grammarly keyboard for your phone. Similar to spell check, it’ll also watch your grammar and make suggestions.
It’ll help your chances on Tinder and, over time, improve your English in general. Best of all, it’s free!
I’d even go so far as to say avoid compliments in general when starting a conversation on Tinder. They do have their place though so if you’re going to open with one, avoid complimenting her appearance.
Tinder is inherently shallow in the swiping phase so you can safely assume mutual attraction. Look for other things that you like about her instead. Maybe she’s into a male-dominant sport or has a photo from some amazing location.
Whatever you do, just make sure you aren’t joining the long list of guys who said: “Hey sexy.” Ugh.
Another common complaint from women about Tinder is self-obsessed guys. Whether it’s the initial conversation or the first date, guys who focus on themselves don’t make it very far. Being self-indulgent isn't how Tinder works.
Sometimes it might seem like it makes sense to start with something about yourself but I’d avoid it. Instead, go with a general greeting and something about her. After that, go right ahead, just be conscious of that balance in the conversation.
Even once you get through to the first date, make sure there’s some healthy back and forth.
Every now and then you’ll come across a profile that really does give you nothing. She has a blank bio and while her photos are interesting enough, you just can’t find anything to open with. Knowing what to say first on Tinder when this scenario presents itself is tough.
When that happens, just start with a question about one of her photos. If she has a photo on a beach somewhere, ask her about it. You can even go with “That beach looks familiar, where were you in that photo?”
It’s simple and basic but it can also lead to an interesting and positive conversation. Unless you’re in an area near the beach, it was probably taken on a vacation. That alone gives you so much to work with.
See, it doesn’t seem quite so scary now that you have a few pointers to help you out, right? Over time you’ll get much more comfortable with the idea.
After a month or so of practice, you’ll know exactly what to say first on Tinder and wonder how you ever struggled. Go ahead and give it a try and don’t forget to let us know what worked for you.