Dating is all fun and games until you start to wonder if any of the girls you’re dating are right for you. There seems to be a different definition of “right” for every man. But sometimes we get distracted by attractiveness and sexual chemisty. Could it be why you don’t know how to find the right girl for you? Well, welcome to the club.
Every healthy single man in this world has pondered the same problem at least once in their lives. It’s one of the biggest and most important questions you’ll ever answer.
And that’s the problem, right? We don’t know where to start. There’s too much information to process. What traits should you look for in the right girl? Where do you find her? How do you even start to find her?
If you can relate to that, then here’s a tip that will make the whole thing easier: Don’t cover all the bases. You just can’t. There are too many.
Instead, do what the happiest, most successful men do when it comes to finding the right girl. And that is to focus on the most important requirements.
And by that, we’re talking about only 10% of the requirements. The remaining 90% is flexible.
In this article, we’ll go in-depth on what that 10% consists of. After you read this, you’ll have a much clearer idea of how to finally find “the one”—before it’s too late!
The Importance of Finding the Right Woman for You
First off, let me pat you on the back for actually doing research on this. Most men think it’s lame or embarrassing to be Googling how to be successful with women—and, needless to say, they end up with painful and frustrating love lives as a result.
You, on the other hand, had the forethought to find out what works and what doesn’t, so props to you.
That said, let’s start with the basic question: Why is it important to find the right girl for you?
If you look at all the “lucky guys” out there—the men who are successful both in love and life, you’ll notice that they chose their ladies very well. It’s like they were meant for each other.
Have you ever seen one of your friends on social media post photos of him and his perfect wife having the time of their lives together? He’s the classic example of the “lucky guy.”
On the other hand, almost every unhappy and unsuccessful guy out there has made some bad choices with the women in his life. These are the guys who go through messy divorces and nasty breakups and, as a result, become extremely jaded about life and love.
So, let’s make sure you join that first group, yeah?
Let’s start by getting into the minds of these lucky guys. What did these guys do that the unhappy, unsuccessful ones didn’t?
How to Find a Good Woman
The lucky ones found the right girls for them, first and foremost, by avoiding the wrong girls.
And to do that, they did three things:
- They set their standards and stuck to them like glue
- They took things slow and didn’t rush into things
- They used their heads instead of their hearts (or other organs) when making big decisions
Let’s take a look at each one and see why it’ll show you how to find the right girl.
Set your standards
Well before you even get into a relationship, you must know what the “right girl for you” is like. What traits do you want to see in her? And what traits must she absolutely not have?
Take a sheet of paper and write down your answers. Then get even more detailed by writing down:
- What’s her age range?
- What’s her education level?
- What’s her income level?
- What’s her ideal kind of lifestyle?
- What are her most important beliefs and values?
Put simply—the more detailed you can describe “the one,” the better. And yes, that’s even before you’ve even met her.
It’s also a wise move to define the right kind of relationship for you. Describe your ideal relationship by answering hard, deep questions like the following:
- Do you want marriage, or do you just want an exclusive long-term relationship?
- Do you want kids or not?
- How do you want to live together—in the city, in the suburbs, or as nomads?
- How will you make the money to build your household and become financially secure?
Setting your standards for your ideal relationship is like setting goals for a business. It’ll take a while to flesh them out and achieve them. But you need your standards written down somewhere before you can itemize, revise, or edit them.
Set your standards. Until you do, you’ll always be in danger of settling for the wrong girls and the wrong relationships.
And speaking of settling...
Take it slow
This study found that the average guy goes through six one-night stands before finding “the one”. That should give you an idea of roughly how many relationships you’ll start and end before finding the right woman for you.
That’s why it’s super important to not settle. You might meet a woman who’s just okay—she passes some of your standards but fails in others. And you feel the temptation to settle: “Well, this is fine, it’s better than being single.”
Don’t you make that mistake!
Many of the “lucky ones” used this strategy to find their eventual wives: They dated three girls in rotation. That is, they took it slow and avoided jumping into relationships. Instead, they had dating relationships with three girls, spending time with each one on rotation.
Then, when they met a new girl who’s better than all three, they put her in the rotation. They also stopped seeing the girl they liked least (or just became friends with her) to keep the “pool” at three.
And they kept at it until, at last, they found “the one”. They stopped dating in rotation and focused on building a strong, lifelong relationship with the woman of their dreams.
You, too, should use that approach to learn how to find the right girl for you, but also to avoid settling for the wrong ones.
Use your head
Have you ever been so in love with a woman so much that even when the relationship started turning bad, you stuck around hoping things would “get better?”
Or have you ever stayed in a toxic relationship because you thought it was better than breaking up?
Or how about this—have you ever felt so infatuated with a woman that you couldn’t feel attracted to any other girl, even if you tried?
These are examples of what happens when you “follow your heart” in the dating game. And all it leads you to is a downward spiral of pain, confusion, and frustration.
So take some advice from the men who’ve been there and done that, and still won the game of love: Use your head.
Is she not good for you? Stop seeing her and drop her from your rotation.
Is your relationship toxic? Leave it before it scars you for life.
These are simple, logical decisions that can save you decades of heartache—all thanks to using your head.
So recapping real quick:
- Set your standards,
- Take it slow,
- Use your head.
That’s how you avoid the wrong ones. It’s half the battle in finding the right woman for you.
Got it? Great.
Now let’s talk about the second half.
How to Find the Right Girl for You
Spoiler alert: You won’t find “the one” sitting in your home all day.
Finding the right girl for you means you’ll need to socialize—probably ten times more than you’re already doing right now.
Thankfully, it’s easier to do that than you might think. Here’s where the lucky guys went, and what they did, to find their perfect ladies:
Join classes, sports, and hobby groups
Many of the happiest, most compatible couples out there have similar interests. Even just a small slice of common ground between them can work wonders for their emotional bond with each other.
So it’s a good idea to fill your dating rotation with women you meet in skill classes, sports clubs, gyms, and other interest-based groups. You’ll instantly have something to bond over, and even if it doesn’t work out with most of them, you’ll still have gained some really good friends.
And who knows? “The one” might be a friend of your friend.
Here’s another thing the strongest and happiest couples have: Common values. And they’re even more powerful than common interests.
That means it’s also a good idea to meet and date women who share the same values as you. Volunteering in a cause you believe in—whether it’s a soup kitchen, church ministry, or social advocacy—will let you meet these women.
In a society like ours, there are plenty of opportunities—and benefits—to volunteer and be a part of the solution. Pick a social problem that really grinds your gears, find groups that try to solve that problem.
Socialize at parties
Are you not a partygoer? Well, if you want to find the right girl for you, it’s time to change that.
If you don’t go to parties because you’re an introvert (or if you generally dislike meeting strangers), then here are a few tips to change your mind:
- You don’t need to talk to everyone. The idea is to meet a group, take a break to recover your energy, then meet another group.
- It’s much easier when you know at least one person at the party. Only skip parties where you don’t know anyone.
- Help out in the kitchen. It’s much easier to chat with people over an activity.
And if you’re worried about making a terrible impression on the ladies there, don’t be. Like you, everyone else is meeting lots of people. Any impression you make, good or bad, will probably be forgotten in a few minutes.
The key is to simply meet the girls who seem interesting and attractive to you, get their numbers, and either take them out after the party or contact them later for a date. Easy peasy.
Try online dating
Of course, there’s always the good old fallback option: Online dating. If you’re looking to start with friendly dates, go with Plenty of Fish or Bumble; if you’re looking for something more daring, there’s Tinder and Kik.
Now, to wrap things up, here’s perhaps the most important tip of all:
Work on Yourself
While you’re out there meeting new women and keeping your dating rotation full, don’t forget to work on yourself. You need to get dead honest with yourself about your flaws, which act as brakes as you drive towards success in love and life.
The particularly deadly flaws to ruthlessly remove from your system include:
- Insecurity, or the lack of confidence and certainty in yourself, your standards, and your decisions.
- Effeminacy, or the lack of manly qualities like strength, heroism, and the drive to overcome obstacles.
- Niceness, or the tendency to be a people-pleaser at the expense of your dignity and happiness—all just to be liked.
If your life is a mess right now—and no judgment if it is, after all the world has been through recently—then I highly recommend you read our guide to getting your life together.
Now go ahead—write your standards and start meeting new women to date in rotation. When you do, finding the right girl for you will only be a matter of time. Onward and upward!