“Stop playing these silly games. If you like someone, just ask them out. Just tell her something like, “Hey I have a crush on you”. You can do it. I believe in you.” This is the type of thing friends would always tell me when I mention that I can see some signs of unspoken mutual attraction with someone.
I’ve lost count of the times I have received this kind of advice from friends about asking a woman out. I hated the idea of “making a move”. It creates so much pressure with a high chance of rejection, bad reactions, eye rolls and feeling like you are a nuisance to the girl.
Anytime I’ve followed this advice in the past it led to an awkward, “Oh thank, you but we are just good friends” moment. Even if she is attracted to you, by making it a momentous “make or break” moment, you are putting too much pressure on her to make a decision. So, she will probably reject you just to diffuse the awkwardness.
The art of attraction is a lot more subtle. There are certain signs of unspoken mutual attraction. If you can spot them, you can avoid typical problems like rejection, bad reactions and feeling like a failure due to a lack of social awareness.
How can you tell for sure that she is feeling what you are feeling?
When a woman is attracted to you, she isn’t going to tell you about it. But they will give you clues that they are interested. If you confront her on how she feels about you too early on, you will come across as too intense and scare her off.
That girl you have a crush on, maybe she has a crush on you too. Here’s a smoother, subtler and more socially intelligent way of finding out…
What Are the Signs of Unspoken Mutual Attraction
Signs of unspoken mutual attraction confirm that you like someone and they like you also. You can spend time with a girl as a friend and when you hang out, you feel calm. Then there are other girls that make you feel a surge of attraction, intense desire and maybe even a little bit of infatuation.
To read these signs of unspoken mutual attraction, you will need to build your awareness and empathy to spot the signals and patterns she is sending you. When you can effectively spot and read these signals, a whole new world of opportunities with women will open to you that wasn’t available before.
You will begin to notice women glancing at you everywhere you go. You will develop a sense for which type of girl responds well to you. You will know when she is uncomfortable and when she is turned on by you so you can steer the interaction to the feedback you receive in the moment.
Girls you thought you had no chance with all of a sudden may seem more attainable. And the girl you were just about to ask out, well she might be sending signals to someone else so you’ve just saved yourself an awkward and humiliating rejection.
So what are some of the signs of mutual attraction at work?
Some of these signals can be misinterpreted and taken out of context. So I have compiled the 5 most glaringly obvious signs that she is absolutely into you.
Eye contact is a sign of mutual attraction
When you are attracted to someone you will usually make eye contact with them that lasts a little longer than usual. Prolonged eye contact is one of the first signs of mutual attraction.
Here are some signs to look out for:
- She holds eye contact with you during conversation
- She looks at you from the side to hide the fact that she is checking you out
- She locks her eyes with yours for 3 seconds with no talking
- She glances at you repeatedly every minute or so
- She smiles at you while holding eye contact
If she has no interest in you, she won’t maintain eye contact. Her eyes will dart around the room, she will be checking her phone or finding some other distraction to fixate her eyes upon.
Lingering in each other’s presence is a sign of mutual attraction
People will allow those they are attracted to into their personal space. When a girl is attracted to you, you will notice she will find reasons to be in your proximity.
I was looking back at old college photos and I noticed the same girl was sitting beside me in almost all the photos. At the time, I had no clue that unspoken attraction even existed, nevermind how to read it. But a few months after those photos were taken, we hooked up. It just took me a full semester to finally get the hint!
Here are some signs to look out for:
- She stands or sits near you
- When she has to go to the bathroom, she comes back to you
- She is comfortable with you being in her personal space
- She will linger in your presence even when the conversation goes flat
- She creates reasons to be near you, interact with you or have you in isolation
Physical touch is a sign of mutual attraction
When a woman is receptive to you touching her and reciprocates by touching you back, it is probably the most obvious sign of mutual attraction. When two people are mutually attracted to each other they will touch each other a lot.
Here are some subtle tells:
- She playfully punches your arm
- When sitting next to you her leg “accidentally” touches yours
- She repeatedly touches you as she gestures in conversation
- While walking by she brushes against you
- She will find a reason to touch you by mentioning an item of your clothing
When a girl is not attracted to you she will be uncomfortable and pull away when you touch her and she won’t touch you back.
Responsiveness is a sign of mutual attraction
When we are attracted to someone we make time for them. We want to know about their personal lives. We show curiosity about their lives.
Here is what to look out for:
- She initiates the conversation when you stop talking
- She laughs at your jokes (even the bad ones)
- She asks you for the time or directions as a way to initiate conversation
- She asks your name, your age, if you have a girlfriend, etc.
- She returns your calls and texts
- She is available for dates
- She will have engaging, open body language when talking to you
When a girl is not attracted to you she won’t be as responsive to your text or calls. She won’t ask you questions or show any curiosity about your life. She will never be available to meet up. Her body language will be disengaging and closed off while talking to you.
Can you feel mutual attraction?
Can you feel mutual attraction from the energy of the interaction? When two people are attracted to each other there is a high vibrational energy when they are together.
- She giggles
- She playfully disagrees or challenges you
- She gives you a nickname
- She calls you a player
- She will act cute
- She will be excited around you
- She will have exaggerated gestures and expressions to try to get your attention
If she is just a friend, there will be a more calm vibe to the interaction or if she just has no interest whatsoever, there will be a boring or dead vibe to the interaction. Tune in to feeling the energy of the exchange to know if mutual attraction exists.
What to Do About These Signs of Mutual Attraction
When you can read the subtle signs of unspoken mutual attraction, it puts you in a position of power. You will know when to escalate and when to eject before things get awkward.
If you are getting the green light for the 5 most glaringly obvious signs of mutual attraction that I presented above then you’ve got to consider whether you are attracted to this girl at all and if you should pursue things.
Most guys tend to rate women on a scale of 1-10 in terms of their physical beauty. But it sucks being with a hot chick who has the personality of a dead fish. I find it is far more beneficial to rate her on a scale of 1-10 based on how fulfilled you feel when you are around her.
Do you look forward to spending time with her? Do you get lost in the moment and forget about time when you are with her? Is she someone who shares similar values to you?
If she is ticking all your boxes then it's time to invite her to hang out so you can spend time together and get to know each other in isolation. This might mean inviting her for a coffee or to a local cocktail bar. My advice is to bring her into your world, so invite her into what you would be doing anyway with or without her.
In other cases, it might be wise to tone down the signals you send to women if you don’t want things going further. For example, if it's in the workplace or if you aren’t that into her.
In my last job, I noticed a few different women sending me strong signals of attraction but because I was in a relationship, I didn’t add fuel to the fire and kept things platonic. Within a matter of days, they stopped flirting with me. It can be a little damaging to the ego but better if you want to maintain a healthy long-term relationship.
Understanding the signs of unspoken mutual attraction is going to open up a whole new world of opportunities for you that you couldn’t see before. No more having to make big moves which usually leads to embarrassing rejection. You can now spot the women who are already attracted to you and walk through the open doors.