“She wants me.” “She wants me not.” “She wants me.” “She wants me not.” Most of us go through that dreaded place when we like someone, and we don’t know if she feels the same way takes us on a roller coaster of emotions. At this stage, you don’t care about the signs she doesn't want you to approach her.
Dopamine and noradrenaline kick in, shooting our energy to the roof (perhaps the sky). One of the reasons this happens is because as Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps said in her book, “the physical sensations of fear, excitement, and desire are almost identical” and all three emotions happen in the same place in our brain.
Let this idea sink in.
Your brain doesn’t make the difference between when you are afraid, when you are excited, or when you are attracted to someone because the physical sensation your body is sending to your brain is the same for all three.
That’s great news for you, but I’ll let you in on the goodies a little later.
You’re scared of being rejected or judged; I get it, we’ve all been there. It’s scary to approach her, and let’s face it, rejection sucks!
But let me let you in on another secret: relationships are not static.
So what, George?
Relationships are in a constant state of flow.
How can I cash it in, George?
The engine of a relationship is emotions. And like Peter McWilliams famously said, “Emotion is energy in motion.” A relationship is an exchange of energy. A relationship only dies when the energy gets stuck on one side. What does it mean? The dynamic of a relationship is constantly changing.
It means that a no can be turned into a yes.
BUT “CAN” doesn’t mean “WILL”.
You see, attraction is the simplest part of a relationship. You can create and re-create sparks by following a few simple steps.
Notice that I said simple, not easy. We’ll uncover some of the steps to get the girl to like you.
But first, let’s look at the top signs she doesn’t want you to approach her.
Top Signs She Doesn’t Want You to Approach Her
Let’s turn it around on you. Are you always available to be approached by a woman? (Aside from the occasional ego boost, I mean?)
Life is not always only about relationships. Sometimes we have other priorities, sometimes we are just not ready.
Let’s look at some top signs she doesn’t want you to approach her if she doesn’t know you:
She’s in her “zone”
Imagine you’re having your early morning jog, you’re pulling that 350-weight sidebar, or you’re ultra-focused on your pitch that is due later today.
Would you like to be approached? Most of us would not want to 99% of the time.
Her body language says “I’m not interested in a relationship”
If she catches you glancing at her and/or smiling, and she turns the other way.
Her closed arms suggest she is on the defensive. If she also crosses her legs, runs away in the opposite direction (or maybe try another day).
No eye contact – it is said that eyes are the mirror of the soul. Eye contact is one of the most powerful emotional connection techniques. By looking away she is simply saying, not interested.
How do you know if a girl doesn’t want to be approached? Watch her body language, study the environment where you meet her, and examine if she’s in a bubble or not.
What if she’s shy? If a shy woman is attracted to you, she might act clumsily or she might blush.
Now that you know the cues for someone that is not interested in a relationship in general, let’s discover the signs that the girl is not interested in you specifically:
Signs She Isn’t Interested in You
Sometimes you meet this amazing woman, you start visualizing a future with her and then BOOM, reality hits. She isn’t interested in you.
It hurts, it feels personal. It feels like a personal failure…
Suddenly all those limiting beliefs start popping up and here we have two categories:
When we play the victims: “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not rich enough”, “I’m not lovable”, etc.
When we start blaming/projecting: “She isn’t smart enough”, “she doesn’t know what she lost”, “She’s too shallow”, etc.
Let’s unfold three different scenarios she isn’t interested in you:
It’s the first time you’re meeting
You’re drinking at a bar and suddenly, you can’t move, you’re paralyzed. You just saw “an angel”. After a few seconds or a few drinks, you take your courage in both hands and decide to approach her. As you are about to embark on your seduction game, you notice the following signs that show she isn’t interested in you:
- You smiled at her, but she didn’t smile back
- You gazed into her eyes; she didn’t look back after 45 seconds
- You approached her, she had a closed body language
- You tried to engage with her, but she continued her conversation with her friends (maybe after a short polite “not interested”)
- She feels uncomfortable when you touch her or hug her
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Now let’s discover signs that the girl is not interested in you when:
You are newly acquainted
You were recently introduced by a mutual friend, at a social gathering, or a business meeting and she took your breath away. Your imagination goes into overdrive, you start planning what to do, what to say, which topics to discuss, all to impress her. Only to realize that she’s just not into you because of those clear signs:
- You’re not making her laugh;
- She’s not making any effort;
- She’s not curious and doesn’t ask you questions;
- She doesn’t remember your discussions;
- She makes excuses to never be alone with you.
If you’re newly acquainted and you feel she’s not that into you, don’t give up hope![Read: How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love? What Research & Experts Say]
You met in an online dating app, and you started texting
When you receive a notification that you just matched on Tinder or Bumble or other similar dating apps, it feels exciting.
You just got “validated”, your dopamine shoots to the roof, your testosterone is on the rise (you might puff your chest) and now you want to know more about her.
After a few messages, you notice some of those signs:
- Her answer style or tone has changed. For example, the messages are getting shorter or too friendly.
- You’re the only one to start the messages. She answers you back but rarely is the one to start a message.
- You keep asking her to go on a date (in a different way, at different times) and she keeps coming up with yet another excuse.
- She takes her time to answer you. If it’s a one-off it’s okay, life probably got in the way. But if it’s recurrent, you might want to find ways to increase the physical chemistry.
Here's a quick guide for creating the perfect morning after text.https://t.co/sEFtNqiqXU
— Beyond Ages (@BeyondAges) April 11, 2020
The dating trend is constantly changing and this year seems to be a year of major changes. Unless you’ve been under a rock, you probably heard about the emergence of ChatGPT. But what you may not be aware of are the current dating changes that are slowly but surely taking place.[Read: What Will Dating Look Like in 2023? Here’s What Bumble’s Data Says]
Interview with Men’s Mindset and Dating Coach expert Erika Davian
When I asked Men's Mindset and Dating Coach expert Erika Davian about her thoughts about the signs women don’t want you to approach her, her answer was: “be direct.” Erika encourages her clients to jump in instead of trying to read signs.
“Even the clearest of supposed signs can still mean different things. She was looking at you and now has her back turned could mean she wants nothing to do with you... or the sun was in her eyes.
She's avoiding eye contact because she doesn't want you to say hi... or she is incredibly shy herself.”
After all, there is no guarantee in love like in life. As long as you are not being an a**, anything can happen.
Let’s now unfold the three steps to create attraction.
Follow These 3 Steps to Get the Girl to Like You
Remember the physical sensations of fear, excitement, and desire we discussed earlier?
If she is on the fence and you have a basic compatibility level, you can work on the physical sensations and look for signs she wants you to approach her. Let’s explore four examples:
Working with the physical sensation of fear to trigger desire:
- Take her to see a scary movie
- Do a rollercoaster together
Working with the physical sensation of excitement to trigger desire:
- Do something new together (like start a dance class)
- Learn something new together (learn a new language, or learn about AI)
Pretty exciting right?
Those examples work pretty well with a new acquaintance or a friend. But what about if she’s someone you’re texting via a dating app? What could be signs she wants you to talk to her?
Let’s go back to the basics! If she’s not interested in a relationship in general, just move on, “there are plenty of other fish in the sea.” If you see signs of a girl not interested in you in particular, follow those steps and you might have a chance.
Attraction is a game of energy exchange. An exchange between masculine and feminine energies. She’s not that into you because your dominant energy is feminine (like her).
And just like the magnets, similar energies repel, and opposite energies attract.
The 3 steps to create attraction and her wanting you to approach her:
- Revert to your core masculine energy
- Calibrate your internal masculine and feminine energies
- Develop short-term emotional chemistry
To help you do that, here are the five masculine traits you can develop:
- Have a purpose
- Act with integrity
- Go to your cave as often as you need to restore equilibrium
- Take action
- Set strong boundaries (because she will be testing your masculinity)
Even if you see signs of a girl not interested in you, you can always turn it around (as long as you have basic compatibility).
When it comes to dating and relationships, the world is not black or white, it’s grey. Sometimes following the signs saves you from embarrassment and rejection, sometimes it’s a missed opportunity with the love of your life (remember what Erika Davian said about signs).
Love takes courage, love means being vulnerable and trusting in someone else with the possibility of getting hurt. Putting your heart out is a huge risk but the rewards can be even bigger.
Will you follow the signs, or will you play it safe and steer away?