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Understanding If Should You Tell Her How You Feel And How To Do It Right


So there’s a woman in your life right now that you’re in love with. How do you tell her how you feel? Or more importantly: should you tell her? Or is it a bad idea that will ruin your chances of getting into a relationship with her?

These are all good questions that all men face when they think they’ve found “the one.” They feel worried that if they don’t pop the question soon, they might lose her for good.

If that sounds like your situation, too, then this article is for you. Let’s find out whether you should tell her how you feel, how to let her know you love her, and whether or not actions speak louder than words.

Let’s start with the most important question of all:

Should You Tell Her How You Feel?

First, should you even tell her? The answer: it depends. In some situations, it’s good to go ahead and tell her. In other situations, telling her outright is something you should never do.

When you should tell her

The only good situation to tell her your feelings is this: When you’re 100% she loves you, too.

If she has already told you she loved you, you’re a lucky one—that’s your all-clear to say, “I love you, too.”

If she hasn’t, then you’ll need to do some detective work. Look out for these signs she loves you:

  • You can see it in her eyes. She looks at you with this dreamy gaze—it’s almost as though you could see the hearts in her eyes.
  • Her friends tell you she likes you. Pay attention to when her friends say: “Hey, she has really fallen for you. She can’t fool us.”

Now, here’s a fair warning. If you see the signs she loves you, but she doesn’t say it out loud, do not tell her how you feel.

Instead, it’s much better to show your love through your actions. And you’re about to learn how later in this article.

For now, let’s talk about:

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When you shouldn’t tell her

Do not tell her how you feel if you’re not 100% sure she loves you, too.

Why? Simple: There’s a chance she doesn’t love you, too. And when you tell her you love her when she doesn’t feel the same way:

  • It’ll be embarrassing for you
  • It’ll be uncomfortable for her
  • All-in-all, it ruins your chances of getting into a relationship with her

When it becomes clear that you love her more than she loves you, things will quickly fall apart. Since you’re coming off as the chaser, supplicant, or beggar for her affections, she’ll see you as weak and needy. She might even think you’re a simp.

And she can’t respect a man who’s weak and needy, much less fall in love with him. Oops.

So, what should you do, instead?

Until you’re 100% sure she loves you too, I suggest you take a different approach: Use your actions, not your words.

And here’s how.

How to Let a Girl Know You Like Her

Woman on a date with a man she likes

As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. And these are the actions that make her feel loved by you, even if you never say it to her:

#1: Make an emotional connection

First, make an emotional connection with her. The relationship won’t happen without it.

How do you emotionally connect with a woman? For starters, you’ll need to do the following:

Find common ground

You must find things in common with her—hobbies, beliefs, opinions, film genre preferences, and so on. It’s when she thinks, “He’s the same as I am,” that she starts to feel emotionally connected to you.

How do you achieve that? The easiest way is by having deeper conversations with her:

  • Instead of asking about her job, talk about the passion that made her choose that line of work.
  • Instead of telling her about your hobby, tell her an emotionally charged story about how you started it.

You get the idea, right? Grease the wheels with small talk, but then go deeper the moment you see an opening.

Disagree when you do

Of course, you won’t find common ground with her on everything. There will be areas you’ll disagree with. And that’s a good thing—your disagreement will make the emotional connection more genuine and real for her. Agreeing with her about everything will make you come off as too much of a nice guy, and you definitely want to avoid that.

You can simply say: “My experience is different in that regard,” or “I understand, even if I respectfully disagree.” There’s always a way to make disagreements agreeable, right?

That’s how to let a girl know you like her. When you successfully make an emotional connection with her, everything else follows. She’ll like you, trust you, then fall in love with you—and you haven’t even told her how you feel yet!

#2: Act as if you're her boyfriend

A man acting like her boyfriend

The second way is to act as if you’re already her boyfriend, even if it’s not official yet. The perk is that if she likes it, she’ll start acting like your girlfriend, as well. And making things official and having the exclusive talk becomes easy after that.

So what exactly should you do to make her see you as a potential boyfriend? Here are my suggestions:

  • Send her tiny gifts and make tiny gestures of affection. Don’t do it too often, of course, but once in a while give her a trinket and say: “Hey, I saw this the other day and it reminded me of you. I hope you like it.”
  • Talk about your families. If she asks you about your family, answer her questions. Likewise, ask about her family. And then invite her to meet your folks. This is something hookups would never do, and it’s a great way to go from a fling to a relationship.
  • Plan ahead. Make plans months in advance, whether they’re for vacations, trips, projects, etc. It makes her think of your relationship as a long-term one.
  • Take her places. When she has many experiences with you in many different places, it has a strange, wonderful “multiplier” effect in her mind. She’ll associate the thrill and wonder with you—and that’s only going to help your case.
  • Let her know she’s left a mark on you. Give comments like: “You’re the only one who can make me do this,” or “Why do I only laugh like this when I’m with you?”

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You know you’re doing it right when she reciprocates the gestures. And you know you’ve really nailed it if she starts doing slightly more for you than you are for her. That’s the clearest sign she can give you without telling you outright.

Now, let’s move from actions to words. Is it possible to let her know you love her without actually saying “I love you?”

The answer is “Yes, but.” Here’s why.

How to Tell Someone You Love Them

A man telling a woman he loves her

Again, only ever tell her you love her if you’re 100% sure she loves you, too. And even then, be sure to say the words the right way.

And there are two things to get right: The Position and The Moment.

Let’s take a look at each...

#1: The Position

The Position is your “power level” in relation to hers. In any interaction—or in any relationship, for that matter—only one of the partners is the leader or “hero.” The other is the “loyal sidekick.”

Who’s taking the lead in the relationship? Who’s calling the shots? Who’s more confident? Who has more options in case the relationship doesn’t work out? Whoever it is, that’s the hero, and their partner is the sidekick.

And you should ever only tell her how you feel if you’re the hero.

If you’re not the hero, then saying “I love you” will probably backfire on you. It will make you look weak and needy to her. And it’s hard for a woman—any woman—to feel in love with a weak man.

Meanwhile, if you are the hero—if she looks up to you like the manly creature you are—then saying “I love you” will not come off as needy. Instead, it’ll be the sweetest thing she’ll have heard in a while.

So if you’re not the “hero” in your relationship quite yet, you might want to postpone telling her how you feel.

#2: The Moment

The best time to tell her is when she’s in a happy, dreamy state with you—like she’s very much in love. When she gazes at you with that dreamy stare, say: “Aha... you like me. I see it now.”

And if she tries to deny it, smile and say: “That’s fine. I like you, too.”

As you can see, the timing is also important.

Now, to wrap up, here are a few more tips you’ll find helpful:

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How to Tell Someone You Love Them Without Saying It

I’d like to share two more ways to show her you love her, even if you never say it out loud.: The Indirect Method and the Direct Method.

#1: The Indirect Method

You can make double-meaning statements like:

  • “I like you. You’re cool.”
  • “If we ever hooked up...”
  • “...But what if we fall in love?”
  • “Wait a minute. That’s boyfriend duty.”
  • “Okay, it’s a date. See you then.”
  • And other indirect ways to tell her you love her

Statements like these open her mind to the possibility. “Will he be a good boyfriend?” And the more you do it, the more open she’ll be to the idea.

That’s the Indirect Method. And that leaves us with:

#2: The Direct Method

If you’re both up to it, simply go to bed with each other. Give her some really good sex she won’t soon forget. A few mind-blowing nights with you in quick succession, and she’ll see you as her boyfriend. She won’t see you as otherwise.

That’s probably the most direct way how to tell someone you love them without actually saying it!

So, there you have it—a complete guide on how to tell her how you feel (and whether you should). Go ahead and give the article another read if you must, plan your strategy, and then make your move on your lucky lady. Good luck!


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