As a journalist, I often find myself neck-deep in research. The commission may require an understanding of quantum physics, Macedonia, folklore, or all three. When I received this assignment, however, it almost felt like cheating.
You see, my partner is ten years my senior and what the tabloid press would term a “cougar”. Not that you’d catch me using that term… I spend enough time on the naughty step as it is. But the truth is that younger men dating older women is a lot more common than people think. More and more research shows that older women are happier and more satisfied as well, so win-win for everyone.
So, without further fanfare, please allow me to explain why dating an older woman is great.
Women in their later years understand themselves. They have their careers in order, they may have established a family or at least worked out their priorities. When you date an older woman, there’s less guesswork and the time you spend together will be more rewarding. You may even accomplish and achieve your own goals with them by your side, offer encouragement.
Older women can be intimidating. I’m not going to lie — when I first met my current partner, I was a little awed by her intellect. The truth is, at a certain point in their lives the average woman's mind sharpens to a point of approaching superpower, and I’ve found this to be eerily true across the board.
A recent article showed that younger men who date older women find intellect to be an important attractive feature. Unlike us selfish guys, women choose not to wield their wisdom as a weapon. In short, if you’re prepared to show a little humility now and again and accept the fact that you’re not going to win at scrabble or an argument about politics, the intellect of the mature lady is a resource to respect and treasure.
There’s no need to skirt this issue. The fact that women reach their sexual peak later in life than men isn’t just common knowledge — it’s a biological fact. How that translates in the bedroom, however, is the real story.
While mature women may have a stronger sex drive, they, unlike younger folks, are generally less needy. They are also looking for guys who are less needy themselves. If you want to know if you're too needy check out this article.
They also know what they like and have less of an issue with communicating it. This is why a sexual relationship with an older lady is more rewarding for both sides. In my experience, there’s likely to be a good deal less trial and error and shyness, and generally more satisfaction all round.
Inhibitions are, on a whole, one of the most striking differences between younger and older women. Younger women, for example, are heavily targeted by the media, and it’s often harder for them to break from expectations and follow what they really want. Society has long held set rules for each gender, and both younger women as well as older men have trouble escaping certain inhibitions attached to these rules.
By contrast, younger men and older women are more likely to break with these conventions and therefore they can make ideal partners in crime. If an old woman is able to shed traditional norms and expectations placed on them, then this new sense of freedom can lead to exciting, fun, and memorable good times!
So if your partner shies from karaoke, won’t try Argentine Tango, and gives you “that look” every time you suggest going somewhere exotic for a few days… you might want to consider an upgrade in age.
Older ladies don’t have time for all the BS associated with dating. They don’t care who hangs up first, how often you text, or what your Facebook relationship status says. The bottom line is that if you start playing games with a mature gal, you’ll quickly find yourself playing with yourself — perhaps literally.
Mature ladies don’t play games — which is also true of all games. So if you’re looking for someone to partner with for your Mario Kart tournament, you best keep scrolling.
If better sex wasn’t such a headline grabber and a stone-cold truth, I’d have put this fact higher on the list. Having a great relationship is all about balance. Sometimes the factors we weigh are obvious and tangible, but on occasion, those facts are more ethereal or maybe even spiritual.
What I’m trying to say is that it’s not always possible to explain in twenty words or less someone makes you want to be a better person. For me, the best thing my partner taught me was who I am. She didn’t mould or shape me, but rather I slowly but surely found a better version of myself coming into the foreground.
Older women as partners can be big motivators, teachers, and listeners. With her help, and dare I say nurturing, I began to find more traits I admired and was able to shelve the pettier parts of my personality.
I hate to admit it, but I often find myself shamed by my girlfriend’s frequent, continuing, and repeated acts of kindness. She may come home with a new coat she thought might suit me (which ALWAYS does…) or tickets for a weekend break in Marrakech. But best of all, she once bought me tickets to see Carl Orf’s, Carmina Burana at the Royal Albert Hall because she remembered I’d said I liked it months before!
The truth is, early in our relationship I blurted it out to impress her with my operatic knowledge. In honesty, it was probably the only opera I knew anything about and that was only because it was the theme song to the horror movie The Omen. Still, her kindness and thoughtful nature ensured I can now say I saw an opera (ish) — and didn’t hate it.
The point I’m trying to make is that she took the time to listen and went out of her way to make a kind gesture. Not to say this wouldn’t happen with younger women, but I find that older women don’t do this to make themselves feel better, or more loved, or more secure in their relationship — they do it because they actually care. And that’s a huge step in creating a healthy relationship.
Young and reckless are fine bedfellows. If you’re still at the stage in your life where the ability to neck ten Jaegerbombs and crawl home at 4am is high on your agenda, then you may want to look somewhere else. Mature women are beyond this level.
There is no space in their walk-in wardrobes for getting drunk off their faces and dealing with the train-wreck mornings that follow. The older lady knows her limits and if you’re prepared to listen, she may even be able to help you find yours. This was true in my case and I am not too proud to admit it.
More than sobriety though, mature women are generally better placed financially too. Once again, younger folks trend more towards the overdraft fees, so it can be a refreshing change to have a partner who is able to help you out should the need or occasion arise.
Not Unlike knowing what they want, older women also understand themselves a whole of a lot better. This can be intimidating at first, as it can be translated as a lack of patience and they can appear curt and sharp.
All this really means, however, is that they recognize certain situations and patterns, and so they know how to enjoy them — or withdraw from them. They don’t have time or energy to deal with things that don’t serve them, and given their experience, they know what is best for their lives and their future.
Older women know themselves, so don’t expect them to hang around while you “go through your things”. Once you transcend the “not putting up with your BS stage” (…see also playing games), you’ll find that being grounded is admirable and indeed sexy. I know I found it aspirational and I like to think this was part of what helped me become a better person.
You need to trust me on this. In our youth, we follow crowds, trends, and moods. When we’re older, the magnetic pull of such fads fades and we’re free to follow our hearts. The mature lady is the queen of her image. One study found that younger men were initially attracted to their older partner not because of intellect or age, but because of physical attraction. My partner looks exceptional every day. Her wardrobe is a curated trove of laser-targeted style.
Perhaps most remarkable is the fact that I KNOW she doesn’t dress to impress me — or indeed anyone. The truth is, she’s spent her entire life understanding herself, her look, and her image. She simply knows what suits and what does not. I find myself complimenting her attire almost daily and not for sake’s sake, instead, I am moved to speak because of one simple fact — she looks great.
But beyond the wardrobe, older women who take care of themselves exude an undeniable sexiness. Mature women don’t have the luxury to eat whatever they want and not gain a pound, which means they have to put in a good amount of hard work to stay in shape.
They can’t waste time being sloppy with their beauty regime, so when they put in the effort, they look damn good. And the icing on the cake is the confidence an older woman has when she’s looking her best.
I’ve left this tidbit till the end because we all love a happy ending. To be frank, when I say lingerie drawer, I am referring to more than just a collection of pants, bras, and tights. In my experience the mature lady may have some skeletons in her closet, but if you’re lucky she’ll have more in her lingerie drawer.
Without getting crude, I’m basically saying that over the course of her lifetime, an older lady may have picked up some habits, skills, talents, and yes… kinks. Therefore, if the gods are with you, there may be some fun things hidden in the back of that innocuous little dresser. From things you may only have seen on the internet, to things you may not even know existed, a mature lady’s lingerie drawer can be a portal to new heights of ecstasy.
I’ve dated tall girls and short girls, girls with self-esteem issues and girls superhuman confidence. I’ve dated pretty girls pretty and plain, rich and poor, and (true story) I was even engaged to a girl who had a distant claim to the throne of England. The truth is that I won’t date “girls” again. Because as anyone who has ever dated one will tell you, women are much more fun.