A lot of guys seem to think that dating a woman with kids is difficult. In a way, it is pretty challenging, but it can also be rewarding. You may not be her top priority, but you can also end up dating a supermom who can also be a super-girlfriend.
Most younger guys swear off dating women with kids because it comes with some “baggage”. This can include the presence of the ex-husband or baby daddy, a pending divorce, trust issues from the baby daddy disappearing and so much more.
But the thing is, women who have kids tend to have some wisdom that single, childless women don’t have. Women who have kids tend to know how to balance their lives as single women and as single parents. More often than not, they have their priorities set straight.
So if you’ve met a woman that you want to pursue but she has kids, what should you do? Here’s our complete guide on dating a woman with kids.
Should I Date Someone With Kids?
Maybe you’re still pondering on the question of “Should I date a girl with a kid?” If so, read on because I’ve listed the main pros and cons of dating a woman with kids below.
Benefit of dating a single mother: they're tough
If she can raise her child solo after the breakdown of her family, you can bet she’s strong enough to get through anything. She’ll be a great partner to take on the challenges of life alongside.
Pro: Single moms keep you young at heart
This woman has probably become an expert at unleashing her playful and imaginative side. That’s a side-effect of hanging out with kids all the time.
Pro. Single moms know how to show affection
Once you’re a parent, you learn how to show love and affection at a whole new level. If you’re ready to become part of her family, she’ll be ready to show amazing levels of love to you too.
Pro: Single moms are looking for serious relationships
Single moms are done playing silly games. They’re searching for something serious with a great man. This is one of the benefits of dating a single mother. If you’re also looking for a relationship that’s the real deal, you’ll be on the right track with a single mom.
Pro: You can impact her children’s lives
When you’re in a relationship with a single mom, you have the opportunity to be a positive role model for her kids. It can be incredibly fulfilling to play a role in helping them become responsible adults, even if they’re not your children.
Con: Single moms always prioritize their kids
This is the right thing for them to do, but it can still make you feel like a third wheel in your own relationship. You’ll only be able to enjoy some intimate time with a single mom if the kid is asleep or out of the house. You can only go on dates if she has found a babysitter. It can grow tiresome after a while.
Con: Kids can be annoying as hell
Let’s be real for a second. All kids can be little terrors from time to time. When they’re your kids, you find a way to put up with it, because you love them! But these aren’t your kids. They’re another dude’s offspring, ruining what could have otherwise been an awesome time with your partner.
What’s more, you’ll usually be given no authority to discipline them. You have to sit there and take their brattiness until the mom puts them in their place.
Con: Single moms are often stressed and tired
If your partner is raising a kid alone, she’s going to be exhausted most of the time. This will surely have an impact on your relationship. As a man in this relationship, the best you can do is hope she doesn’t take the stress out on you. That’s if she finds the energy to go out and have fun with you at all.
Con: You’ll spend your hard-earned money on another man’s kids
She might not specifically ask for handouts. But, once you’re in a serious relationship, you might start sharing finances - and most of her finances are going towards raising these kids.
Con: You might grow too attached to her kids
It’s a bittersweet reality for guys dating someone with kids. Either you hate the kids or you grow too attached. In the latter situation, what happens if you break up? Now, you have zero rights to ever see them again. Heartbreaking.
Tips for Dating a Woman with Kids
You've been on the hunt for a MILF. You've gone through the best MILF dating sites we've reviewed and found someone you share a lot in common. Best of all, you know all the benefits of dating a single mother. But remember a MILF means she has kids and that brings about quite a bit of additional baggage.
Let me get something straight right away, so there’s no confusion: When you’re dating a woman with kids, you’ll never be her first priority. No matter what happens. That’s because a good mother will always prioritize her kids above everything else. This includes you and any other men who she might be seeing. Expecting to be her priority is a mistake men make when dating older women with kids.
It simply means she’ll never have as much time for you as she will for her children -- especially young children.
Understanding this is very important. Because if you want a relationship with a woman who has kids to succeed, you’ll have to be patient. You simply won’t be able to demand her free time or even expect it from her. Because if you do, she’ll think you’re a jerk. Then her choice will be very clear since her children are more important to her than you.
Knowing this will help you avoid significant future drama or problems in such a relationship.
Unfortunately, there are many guys who don’t understand this. They expect a woman with children to give them the same amount of time as a woman without kids would. That’s just impossible and this sort of thinking is selfish as well as needy.
So, if you want to successfully date a woman with kids, you need to be aware of her priorities right from the start.
You have to befriend her children
Now this is easy is if you met an older woman through her kids (e.g. you're a teacher, your kids know each other, etc.) However, keep in mind that knowing her kids isn't equal to having them like you. It’s almost impossible to have a loving and caring relationship with a woman who has kids if her kids hate you.
So, your second priority in such a relationship, if you want it to be fruitful and lasting, is to become best friends with her children. Because if her kids trust and like you, she will as well.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to spend all your time with her kids or become their best friend. It just means that when you’re there, you’ll have to make an effort to connect with them as well. Basically, it’s not just one person you’ll have to develop a caring relationship with, but several.
So, I hope you’re prepared to watch “Frozen” and “Shrek” and do other stuff with her kids. Because that’s what you’re going to be doing most of the time. Your “Netflix and Chill” will be revolved around watching children’s programs if she has younger kids, all with not very much chill.
Finally, show some concern for her children as well. If she sees that you don’t care when something happens to them, the relationship with an older woman will surely fail. Conversely, when she’s assured that you care about her kids, she’ll be happy to take the relationship further.
This brings me to my next point.
There’s low tolerance for drama
This is one of the many reasons you should be dating more mature women. She already has kids, she doesn’t need another one. This means that if you behave in an immature manner, she’ll swiftly kick you to the curb.
For such a relationship to succeed, you’ll have to quickly enter the role of a mature man. Otherwise, she’ll grow tired of you or become very annoyed with such behavior. Because most women with children already have enough drama in their lives if they have a rugrat or two.
Unfortunately, this means that such a relationship is simply not for everyone. Because if you like playing games with women or find pleasure in causing or witnessing drama, you should look elsewhere.
Most of the time, mature women who have children are looking for a mature and secure man who can take care of them. If you’re not such a man, they’ll quickly dump you.
Dating a woman with kids will often require meeting the dad
More likely than not, the father of her children will still be in the picture to some extent. Either because he’ll have custody of them a few times a week or a month. Or because they’re still on good terms with each other for the sake of the children.
Whatever the case may be, you’ll simply have to make the best of it.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll have to become friends with him. But under no circumstances should you ever become enemies if his kids still adore him. Because if you do, the kids are going to start hating you soon since he’ll talk smack about you when he’s with them.
That’ll quickly ruin any chances of your future relationship with their mother. Because as I said before; if her kids hate you, there’s no bright future for her with you.
That said, you’re two grown men who are put in a peculiar situation. Who knows, maybe you’ll even find a life-long friend in him. In fact, that happens far more often than most people think.
So, make an effort to get along with the father as well if he’s still around and things will usually turn out fine.
You’ll have to be creative when it comes to sex
When children are in the picture, it’s difficult to find some time or even a place to have sex. That’s why you’ll have to be a little bit more creative when dating a woman with kids.
You’ll probably want to take advantage of babysitters or do it when her ex takes the children. Also, depending on the age of the kids, installing a lock on the bedroom door as well as a nice sound system is another good alternative. However, if the kids are in their teens, they’ll quickly figure out what you’re doing so that may become a little bit embarrassing. Or if her children are too young, she’ll not want to leave them unattended like that.
Either way, it’ll be difficult to have sex when the urge hits you and you’ll have to plan for it in advance.
That said, most women with children are absolute powerhouses when it comes to sex. Mostly because women hit their sexual peak later than men do. Also, when kids are in the picture, there’s less and less time for enjoying sex so they want it as much as they can have it.
At least you’ll be able to have full-blown sex marathons when the kids are somewhere else, so take advantage of that!
Don’t try to parent her kids
This is another huge mistake to avoid when dating a woman with kids. You have to learn how to stay neutral because it’s not your place to parent her kids yet. Though you can get on both their good sides by getting her gifts that benefit her and her kids.
You’ll only gain that privilege once you actually commit fully to one another and become a family. But before that happens, trying to parent her children will cause your relationship more harm than good. She may even dump you if you take things too far.
That said, you shouldn’t be a pushover either. This means you have to demand respect and come to a mutual understanding with both her and her kids. This means no name-calling, no malicious behavior towards you, no biting, no fighting and other similar things.
If you ever do become a family, it could still take many years until they see you as their father, if ever. So, don’t overstep your boundaries and don’t tell her how to be a parent to her children if you’re not super serious about each other yet.
Your relationship won’t progress as a traditional one does
This is another point of dating a woman with kids that many people tend to overlook.
Your relationship will never progress in a traditional manner. The initial stage where couples slowly get to know each other, go on adventures, trips, getaways and all that stuff will be next to impossible. Oftentimes, you won’t even be able to spend the night together and have sex whenever you want to, like couples without kids do.
This can put a strain on any relationship in the beginning. But if you’re serious about the other person, you’ll just have to accept that there’ll be no such thing as privacy or alone time.
Unless, of course, she always has someone who can watch over her children when necessary. Like a trusted friend, a relative or even an awesome babysitter.
Eventually, things will settle down into their own rhythm and you’ll find your groove. But the beginning of a relationship with a woman who has children will often be stressful.
Now you know most of the important stuff of dating a woman with kids.
The lack of privacy, quality time together, no tolerance for drama and other similar things may look daunting at first. But that just comes with the territory and cannot be avoided.
That said, dating a woman who has children, no matter their age, can be a wonderful experience. If you can make it work, such a relationship can be as rewarding and as fruitful as any other. It just takes massive patience on your part and some ingenuity and a lot of friendliness with the people in her life.
It forces you to grow much faster than you would in a regular relationship. If you can handle that and behave in a mature manner, you’ll go far.