Many single men ask themselves: How do I find a woman? It’s difficult to get good advice on this. Most women will think of all their single girlfriends and tell you that great women are everywhere. And most men won’t share their secrets.
But I will.
How do I Find a (Great) Woman
Don’t worry about finding the perfect pickup line. If you’re out and about, use the classic: “Hey, I saw you from over there and I knew I’d be kicking myself all day if I didn’t come to meet you and see what you’re all about. My name is ______.” Don’t try to make her fall in love with you right away. Have a fun conversation for 10-15 minutes and then tell her you have to go, but to give you her number so you can meet up for a drink later. This is a great start in developing natural game.
If you’re at a party, bar or club on valentine's day, then you can go “under the radar” if that makes you more comfortable. The classic way to do this is with what we call an opinion opener. For example: “Hey, we need you to settle something. Does saying ‘I love you’ count if you’re drunk at the time?” Act like it’s a real, genuine question about something that just happened with a friend of yours. Better still, create your own opinion opener.
Make the first move. That’s the man’s job. Most men actually cross paths with many more attractive women than they ever meet. This is a waste. Get in the habit of starting conversations with every attractive woman you come across. Pre-selection helps too.
Build some slack into your schedule, so you have time to take advantage of opportunities that come up. If you’re constantly rushing around, you won’t even have time to find a woman who interests you. Plan to be everywhere 15 minutes early. That’s usually long enough to meet someone and get her phone number.
Always look and feel your best when you leave the house. Not only will this improve your confidence (and women love confidence), but you’ll be more attractive to women who see you.
Attraction is an emotional process, not a logical one. At first, focus on being fun and playful and making her feel good emotions around you, instead of trying to show her that you tick off all the boxes of what she might be looking for in a man.
Change your life up to put yourself in the path of more women. Do you work out at home? Join a gym where attractive women go. Do you enjoy that first cup of coffee in the morning at your desk? Have it at the local coffee shop instead.
Women decide whether a man is a “no” or a “maybe” within the first 30-90 seconds. That’s not enough time for much of a conversation; this initial attraction is triggered by your body language. Walk and talk slowly and confidently. Don’t fidget. Hold eye contact. Keep your feet shoulder-width apart. Smile. That’s how confident men (who get women) act. This is also a good way to get her alone.
It’s easiest to meet women through friends. Befriend the guys first, and offer value before taking value. E.g., invite the cool guy to your party before asking him to bring single girlfriends.
Take chances. You’ll never get the women you deserve by playing it safe. Dating is to some extent a numbers game, and even celebrities get rejected by hot women as often as they get attraction. Plus, being bold is in itself attractive to most women. I dated a lingerie model for a while who told that she wasn’t attracted to me at first but she loved that I walked right up to her and started joking around and then asked for her phone number. “Guys are usually intimidated by me,” she said. Don’t be one of those guys. This is also a great way to get better with women.
If a woman you’re interested in says “let’s just be friends,” see if she means it. People tend to make friends who are a bit like themselves, and attractive women tend to have attractive friends. If she’s willing to introduce you to a dozen of her single girlfriends, you’ll look back on her saying “let’s just be friends” as a blessing.
Wear or carry around with at least one conversation piece, e.g., a travel guide to Tibet, a giant camera, etc. You want to give women who see you an opportunity to start a conversation with you. Give them something to ask about (and have a great answer).
Finding women is only the very first part of the battle. Attracting her, qualifying her, being a challenge, and turning attraction into dates or hookups or more – that’s where things get really exciting. Now for a couple of common questions we often see in the mailbag:
How do I find a woman if I’m not especially good-looking?
Looks matter to women, but they’re not the most important thing. Besides, with the right clothes, almost any guy can be good-looking enough to date hot women. Check out the free report at the bottom of this page.
How do I find a woman…if I’m an older man?
The biggest enemy here is yourself and your limiting beliefs. Lots of women like older men. So get out there and find them.
How do I find a woman…who is into threesomes?
It’s much easier than most people think. If you can get one woman, you can get two. If you can get two, you can have a threesome. As long as you know what you’re doing…
One of the founding members of Modern Love Systems, Sam has been coaching his friends to better dating success since he was in his teenage years. After graduating from university he began working with other men struggling with their dating lives eventually founding Modern Love Systems to help even more guys. With over a decade of professional experience, Sam is the mastermind behind our systematic approach to dating online.
Join Our Newsletter For Exclusive Dating Tips & Advice
Join Our Newsletter For Exclusive Dating Tips & Advice