Love at first sight isn't really a thing, despite what movies might have you believe. But if there's one thing movies got right it's this: someone who initially had no interest in you can end up falling for you. You've seen it all before: a guy and a girl don't get along. They might even hate each other. But that dislike eventually turns into a burning desire for each other. So what's the secret to how to attract a woman who is not interested in you?
Life isn't like the movies. There won't be a catastrophic event (e.g. zombie apocalypse, Godzilla, aliens, etc.) that will conveniently turn your world upside down and have her running into your arms. The secret to attracting a woman who is not interested in you is making her change her perception. You could be a totally awesome dude with a totally awesome life, but she's just not seeing it.
So how do you make her see you in a different light? Keep reading.
How to Attract a Woman Who is Not Interested
Attracting a woman who isn't interested in a bar or any social place is different from dealing with a distant crush or some girl you like at work who doesn't seem to share the same feelings.
Your ability to flip the script in these venues will depend on your level of preparation and experience with women. You can't be an awkward slob and walk up to a hottie who came to the bar to find a good lay. There's no way in hell you will spark her desire unless you're really slick or have something beyond looks to back you up like having cool friends or a solid wing-girl.
So, some of the tips below are basically about the realistic things you should do to attract beautiful women before you even step foot into a bar. But the good news is, if you stick to them, fewer women will show disinterest in you.
1. Relax (This one is GOLD)
Athletes sleep well before games so they can perform at their full capacity. The same goes with approaching women; knowing how to relax around women will make almost anything you say look attractive.
The dating biggest lie movies sold you is that you must have a great pickup line to impress a girl.
Girls like it when the guy has confidence. I mean confidence, not arrogance. A woman wants to see a guy with enough confidence to both approach her and be potentially rejected. Why? Because it shows that you see her as an equal, not some woman on a pedestal. You want her to see that you may be interested in her, but her rejection won't hurt your ego because you've got enough self-confidence.
But, you ask, what if her rejection does hurt? And what if you are putting her on a pedestal. This is where you should RELAX and not show her that. Have that calm, gracious exterior and the confidence will follow. Trust me. Faking confidence until you make it is much more attractive than being hung up on a woman because she rebuffed you.
I used to have this problem, and I solved it by allowing myself to say whatever I like while focusing solely on releasing any tension I feel. Of course, some of what I said was uncalibrated, but approaching women no longer felt like a chore.
2. Be cool with taking losses (GOLD Too)
You're not allowed to speak "self-improvement" unless you're willing to take the losses that come along the way. The same guy who shares Michael Jordan's I-missed-9000-shots quote on Instagram will stay in bed for ten days because some random girl told him "no."
This can't be you. There's a chance an uninterested girl will remain the same, and you must accept this idea and prevent it from screwing with your sense of value.
Liberate yourself from the fear of losing this one girl by accepting that she may never be with you. And you're cool because other girls are still available. Don't get me wrong, you will still play to win. But don't let it get you if you lose. Guys avoid rejection because it threatens their sense of worth. She didn't like me cause I'm a piece of trash.
Instead, this is what you should be thinking when a woman rejects you:
- She doesn't know how fun I am
- Something about me needs to improve
- I'm the wrong guy at the wrong time, and we just didn't click
And I MOVE ON.
Accept that you're not the hottest or coolest guy in the world and that some people/women won't be interested in your company. BUT you still want to have fun and have a hottie by your side, and that's why you will keep knocking on the door until you get better, and get what you want.
3. Stick around
No, I'm not saying you should be one of her orbiters, forever hanging around her in the hope that she'll sleep with you someday. I'm saying, stick around even as a friend. And by friend, I mean genuine friend with zero expectations.
If you're really sold on this woman and you really want her to like you, don't outright avoid her for the rest of your life. Maybe she's not into you now. Or maybe she's just not looking for a boyfriend. Unless she outright tells you that she'd rather jump down Godzilla's throat than be with you, there is hope.
That's why you should be a friend who can show her that you're a good guy. You're not there to attract her or anything, but you want to be present. If she changes her mind about you, great. If she doesn't, then you still have a friend.
4. And you still gotta look good
You should know this already. No girl wants to be with an unattractive guy who doesn't take care of himself. Everything from your clothes to your scent has to be sharp. And lift some weights too.
You can't imagine how 3 months of healthy eating and dedicated weight-lifting will do for you, along with these actions:
- Get a new haircut (and learn how to maintain it)
- Buy some fitting clothes
- Buy a decent perfume
- Take care of your teeth (and breath)
- Shave the forest down there
- And again, hit the gym and eat right
If she initially wasn't interested in you because you weren't attractive, then problem solved.
5. Good humor
Remember when I said that being relaxed uncovers your full potential? Part of that potential is your sense of humor. Girls will like it If you know how to tease them and use humor to evoke their emotions. It's better to say, "those colors don't match but you pulled them off" than "I like how you look."
That was something genuine I said to a girl who wore red on a blue skirt, and she loved it. And in case you don't know the technique, it's called push-pull.
We covered humor in multiple threads, make sure you check them. But for now, I believe the fastest way for you to learn humor is by copying other funny people. Here's what you should do:
- Watch good comedy shows
- Watch infield videos on YouTube of guys approaching women in bars or on the street
- Take improv classes
6. How to attract a woman who is not interested by being bold
Never assume disinterest from a girl and cry yourself into a corner thinking she doesn't like you when, in fact, you didn't even try. Women expect men to be on the bold side of the equation, so she will rarely pursue it past a few eye gazes and a smile. Some girls are born with a resting face that will scare guys from a mile away. But they won't say no if you approach them.
Don't assume she doesn't like you, and speak up. She'll still respect you for trying even if she's not interested. Plus, girls are good at reading signs and will be turned off by your insecurity if you keep your emotions to yourself.
7. Social proof is your friend
Let's say you've done all of the above and she's still not interested in you. Then it might be time to stop focusing on her hesitation and focus on the people around her.
Women are very in tune with the opinions of people around them. So if she sees that her friends see you as a cool guy, then maybe she will too. That's pre-selection for you. If she is absolutely resistant to seeing you as a potential love interest, then let her social group see your strengths.
For example, you could offer to walk one of her drunk friends home so you know that they're safe. You can help her roommate move out of her apartment. Be nice and friendly to the bartender at your usual bar. The key here is to see her attraction to you as a byproduct of these good deeds and keep it up even when she's slowly trying to warm up towards you.
How to Attract a Girl Who Doesn’t Like You
Actually, this title should've been, "how to attract a girl who is hesitant about you," why?
Because learning how to attract a girl who doesn't like you is just a waste of time. If she doesn't like you - I mean to the degree of totally despising you - then chasing her is totally not worth it. The truth is, attracting a girl who doesn't like you is a hit or miss and will depend on so many things. However, it's still possible if you play your cards right:
Absence cures everything (well...almost)
One of Robert Greene's seduction rules is to use absence to make her curious while you get busy reinventing yourself. I'll explain...
We think one's personality is something static, and once we make an impression about something/someone it tends to stick. If she thinks you're not boyfriend material, she will keep seeing you in this light no matter what you do.
It's only when you stay out of sight for a while and come back as a new you (e.g. more social, fitter, more fashionable, etc.), that women will see you as a new man. She will have a new first impression that will cancel the old impression that already got you friendzoned.
Travel, move to a new city/school or neighborhood, or at least stay out of her social circles for a while and get busy fixing any major flaws in your personality. Hit the gym, talk to other women, build confidence or get a better job that makes you get back to her wearing a nice dress shirt instead of old sweatpants.
Don’t accept her invitation to be friends
Women like keeping guys around for favors and emotional support. These guys like it too because they hope that one day she will recognize their niceness and leave all those disrespectful Chads for a nice guy who truly cares for her.
Damn you, Hollywood!
A key to becoming an attractive man is to reject those "let's just be friends" invitations. Why?
- She will distract you - you don't want to waste any mental energy thinking about her when other women are available to you
- She'll waste your time - the same time you should use to work on yourself and improve your dating
- Women aren't used to guys telling them no - This will be the first no she gets from you. It may not drive her crazy but it will earn you her respect which may turn into affection in the future. However, you MUST stick to your decision of keeping away because the moment you bail on it is the moment you will lose her respect forever.
Don't return her calls or messages, and if you do keep it short. She needs to know that you value your time and that you too want to move on. And REMEMBER, you're NOT doing this to get her back. You're doing this because it's best for you. You genuinely shouldn't care if she chases you or not because your happiness shouldn't revolve around any woman.
Online and offline social proof
Deep down a woman wants to know that the guy she rejected won't do better without her. The better you do, and the happier you are, the bitter the sense of loss will taste in her mouth. So you need to go on an uphill slope and get busy living. If anything, that's how you attract a woman who is not interested in you... Or at least, finding someone who will be more interested in you.
- Go out and meet new people. If both of you share the same social circles, she might seethe with jealousy when you go out with someone she knows. If you don't have the same social circles, even better. She might see your new date as an even bigger threat.
- If you're a social media junkie, document the fun you're having on Facebook and Instagram. Do it because 1) you like sharing your fun memories on social media, and 2) it builds social proof, which will attract more women to you in the future
Next her FOREVER and find someone else
Like I said earlier, you're better off spending your valuable time with a woman who's actually into you. A woman who's on the fence will rarely provide the same fun and fulfillment as someone who will go above and beyond to make you happy.
I don't mean by this that you should settle for less and be with any woman just cause she loves you. Don't do that. What you should do instead is to become the best version of yourself, which will inevitably attract women who will reciprocate your feelings. If you follow just these two tips, I guarantee you will attract high-quality, attractive women and the one who wasn't interested in you will just be a distant memory.