5 Common Flirting Mistakes You Can Make When Approaching Women

A guy making some big flirting mistakes at a bar
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Approaching an older woman you find attractive isn’t always easy. In fact, it can be downright nerve-wracking. It’s because of this that many guys come off as creepy. Their nerves cause them to commit some of the biggest flirting mistakes that will ALWAYS turn women off.

We’ll be focusing on the five main things guys do that creep women out. You can be the nicest, sanest guy in the world, but if you make any of these five mistakes when approaching a woman you like, she’s going to think you’re a creep.

When a woman gets creeped out, she’s reacting based on emotion, not logic. It’s a visceral reaction that comes right from the gut rather than from her brain. It has nothing to do with you as a person but, rather, how your approach, actions or words made her feel. And women will always react strongly if they feel like you’ve overstepped in any way.

The important thing to remember is that while you may feel nervous approaching a woman, she feels nervous too. And it’s your job to put her at ease because you’re the one who initiated the interaction. The key is learning how to alleviate any awkwardness or tension that your approach created. Keep reading to learn the five mistakes most guys make when approaching women and how you can avoid them.

If you always get the cold shoulder from the women you approach, you might be committing these common mistakes. See what you can do to fix them!

1. Waiting too long to approach is one of the most common flirting mistakes guys make

If you make eye contact with a woman and then continue to stare at her off and on before finally making an approach, you’re definitely giving off stalker vibes. This is a huge flirting mistake you don't want to make!

You can look at her once, twice, maybe even three times before approaching. But anything more than that can come off as creepy. Come on guys, if she’s made eye contact with you two or even three times, it’s a pretty good bet that she wants and expects you to come talk to her, flirt with her and build up some attraction.

Waiting too long to approach almost always means you’ve missed out. A woman doesn't want you to play hard to get and she doesn't want to engage in some hour-long across-the-room stare-off. She wants a man who is secure enough to approach her once eye contact has been initiated.

Approaching women, especially beautiful women, can be intimidating. But you can learn how to get over the nerves by taking our extensive video course on how to successfully meet, approach and women. Check it out!

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2. Getting too close too soon is a giant flirting mistake

Even if you’re not able to make eye contact with a girl, it’s still totally fine to approach her — as long as you do it right. And that means not invading her personal space.

If you’re approaching her from behind, you don’t want to scare her by standing directly behind her or touching her in an inappropriate way. If you do need to touch her to get her attention, a light brush of her shoulder or arm is the best.

When she turns around to see who touched her, she needs to have enough space to turn around and make eye contact with you. If you’re too close, she’ll end up looking at your chest or neck. If you’re of similar heights, that can be even worse because you’ll literally be right in her face. And no woman wants that!

The same goes for approaching her from the side or front: Keep some space between you. In general, stay at least half an arm’s length away if you want to get off to a good start with her.

3. Not having something to say to her

This one is absolutely crucial if you want to make a favorable impression. If you walk up to a girl and blurt out “Hi, I’m Brad” and then just stand there smiling like an idiot, she’s going to get creeped out. Both younger and older women flirt by getting to know you and THEN building up some attraction.

You need to have something else to say for yourself — whether it’s a flirty line, a respectful compliment or even a comment about your social surroundings — if you want to get a conversation going. Women aren’t in the habit of pretending to be interested when you have worthwhile nothing to say. And assuming they'll entertain you when you just stand there is a huge mistake when flirting with girls.

Remember, you’re the one who approached her, so the onus is on you — not her — to get a conversation going. This is true whether you're flirting with a woman at work, at a bar or when you're out with friends. So be prepared with something else to say after you introduce yourself. This will prevent you from stammering or standing in front of her in awkward silence.

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4. Making too much eye contact is one of the biggest flirting mistakes you can make

Yes, eye contact is good. In fact, it’s great when used naturally and properly.

It can become a problem, however, if you stare into her eyes intensely or for too long. Even if she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen, you need to keep your admiring gazes to around three seconds. Anything longer than that is going to make her feel uncomfortable while more than five seconds is guaranteed to creep her out.

Whether you’re approaching a woman in the bar or are on a first date, this is a cardinal rule. Don’t stare into her eyes or at any part of her face or body for too long or you’ll be giving off the creep vibe.

5. Too much or unwanted touching

This can be a hard one to get right because every woman responds to touch differently. The key is to pay attention to her body language and facial expressions. These are great indicators of what type of touch is welcome and what is not.

A lot of guys make the flirting mistake of touching her too much too soon whether they put an arm around her, touch her hair or even hold her hand for too long.

On the flip side, if you don’t touch her at all, that can also be pretty awkward. You know, where you go in for a handshake and then chicken out and stick your hands in your pockets. If she sees you’re visibly nervous, that’s going to make her feel uncomfortable too.

Most women will be OK with a light touch on the arm or shoulder to get their attention. They’ll also be cool with a handshake. If you want to differentiate yourself a bit, turn your palm slightly upward, so she’s placing her hand in yours like royalty before shaking it lightly and releasing it. This is a great way to subtly flirt with a woman while touching her.

The other option is to simply clasp her hand for three seconds while you’re introducing yourself. Either of these handshakes are great. They’re a little more intimate than the standard business handshake, but you haven’t invaded her personal space either.

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Once you’ve been talking for a while and things are going well, you can try touching her again. But keep it casual. If she responds well, you’ll know she’s probably into you. If she pulls away, it’s a pretty good indicator that she’s not interested and it’s time for you to cut your losses. Simply find a way to end the conversation politely and move on.


Now that you know the five flirting mistakes you should NEVER commit, you can flirt with girls with more confidence.

Once you know what to avoid, you can focus on what you should be doing. Master when to approach, how to engage in proper eye contact, maintaining an appropriate physical distance and holding her interest. You’ll then be well on your way to chatting up girls successfully.

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