I brought one of my friends to a popular bar one night. He struggled with women all his life and I wanted to show him how to get a girl to notice you even though there are more attractive men in the venue.
Within an hour, I was surrounded by beautiful women. I was having lots of flirty conversations with gorgeous women. My friend was amazed and a little envious. He turned to me and said, “you’re only getting attention because you are young and good-looking”.
Granted he was a few years older than me and he was carrying an extra few pounds around his stomach. But there were other guys in the bar who were taller, more muscular and better looking than I was yet women were not throwing themselves at these guys.
So what was going on?
I decided to play a little game with my friend. I stood in the corner of the bar with my back against the wall. The rule was, I couldn’t do anything to try to get the attention of women. No eye contact, no approaches, no non-verbal signals… nothing. I had to keep my back to the wall, drink my drink and chat to my friend.
Guess how many women approached me?
5 minutes… 0.
20 minutes… 0.
45 minutes… 0.
“Why don’t girls notice me? Is it my looks?” I asked.
He stubbornly admitted defeat “Fair enough, I guess you are right.”
Now, I am not saying that physical attractiveness doesn’t matter. Of course, it does. But it is not the only thing that matters. There are certain things you can do to “punch above your weight” and get women’s attention even though there are better-looking guys around who are probably also interested in her.
Before I give you all the details on how to get a girl to notice you, let me tell you why most girls are oblivious to your existence (and it is not what you think it is)...
Why Don't Girls Notice Me?
He sees her… she is physically attractive, so he is interested. He stares. He lingers around her. He is fixated on her. She can feel it. Just another one of the hundreds of other horny and desperate guys working hard to get noticed by her.
Simply being in her line of view isn’t enough for you to get a girl to notice you, much less a girl who’s out of your league.
Good looks will get you glances, nothing more
You may believe that dressing a certain way, styling your hair or looking muscular is how to get her to notice you. Looking good might get you a few glances. She might even be curious about having a conversation with you but she is NOT going to approach you.
This would mean her having to take on the masculine role and come over to talk to you. Most girls wait for a confident guy to approach them, make them feel attracted and then move it to a phone number, a kiss or sex.
If you think all you have to do is look attractive and appear successful and you will have women throwing themselves at you like Hank Moody in Californication then you’re living in a fantasy world.
She doesn’t want a guy who is easily attainable. It’s boring. There’s no excitement or tension. She wants to feel lucky to be talking to you because she knows you could be talking to and attracting any other woman. She wants to impress you and keep your interest. In short, she might consider chasing you.
Have you ever seen beautiful women with guys who are less attractive than you? Yep, all the time, I hear you say! Why is that? It’s because he didn’t sit around waiting for the girl to notice or approach him.
You are missing the signs that she's interested
It’s not that women are instantly repulsed by you. It’s just that getting girls to romantically invest in you is going to involve you taking initiative and then attracting them with your personality and behavioral traits.
Women will send you subtle signs that they are interested in you like positioning themselves in your proximity, using energy and movement to draw your attention, preening themselves by fixing their hair or regularly looking at you and holding eye contact. They send out these signals to control the outcome–getting your attention and making you approach them.
This is probably happening to you a lot more than you think, it’s just that you have no idea how to spot these signs or understand what they mean. Every time you leave your house, you are being noticed by women and they are sending you signals that they are interested in talking to you.
But they will never be the ones to risk approaching you or asking you out. This is exactly what was happening to my friend and he was starting to feel like he was undesirable and repulsive to women. I wanted to break him out of that downward spiral and show him some subtle changes he could make so that girls would take more notice of him.
How to Get a Girl to Notice You
Really good-looking and fashionable guys do get noticed by women but it doesn’t mean they are guaranteed a date, a makeout or sex.
If you want to know how to get a girl to notice you when you are not super good-looking or trendy then we have got to take a leaf out of Casanova’s book and “be the flame, not the moth”. In other words, you want to be the one that’s being observed rather than the one doing the observing.
Sitting quietly in the corner, looking pretty but not drawing too much attention to yourself is going to lead to very disappointing results. You’ve got to be comfortable standing out from the crowd. How do you get a girl to notice you? Here are some ways to do it.
Be social everywhere you go
A great way to get noticed by girls is to practice being more social with everyone, anywhere you go. For example, I went to a new Vegan restaurant in my city to try out some new food. I got to the counter and a girl was waiting to serve me. I was in a super social mode and started chatting to her. I told her “I’ve never been here before, what would you recommend?”.
As she was about to explain the options, another girl came rushing over offering her advice. She gave me extra food to try and even came around the counter to personally hand me my food with strong eye contact while offering a big smile. If only I was single…
By being super friendly and social, I was being the flame. Most people entering the restaurant were in a dead state. Ordering their food, maybe silently leering or checking out the girls behind the counter (being a moth) but not doing anything that would spark attention or interest.
One way I like to draw attention to myself in a bar is to make small moves that let women know “I’m here” and then observe their reactions. By doing so, I am avoiding a big “make or break” move which can lead to a hard rejection which everyone else in the venue can see.
So I do things like clink her glass when she passes by, high five or make a non-verbal gesture like playing peek-a-boo, pointing or waving, anything that is obvious enough to draw a reaction.
Some women will be non-responsive but you will notice others passing you by more often to get your attention again or positioning themselves in your line of vision so you will re-approach.
These mini-approaches can lead to multiple women vying for your attention. Which just creates more intense feelings of attraction because they can see that other women are competing to get noticed by you.
A powerful effect for getting girls to notice you is called preselection. This means women are more attracted to men who are desired by other women. Many scientific studies have proven this to be a real phenomenon.
If you practice being social anywhere and everywhere you go, women will see other women being comfortable chatting to you so they will start taking notice of you themselves. If you are doing mini-approaches, women will see other women having fun and enjoying themselves with you so she will want to get in on some of the action.
If you are standing in the corner leering at women or getting hard rejections it is going to have the exact opposite effect. Even if you are an attractive man, she will use these signals to steer clear of you.
Having women flock around you and compete for your attention or sitting in the corner feeling repulsive and wondering how to get a girl to notice you have little to do with how attractive you are as a man. It has more to do with how you utilize these subtle psychological principles to your favor.