The problem with learning how to get over a girl is that you know you’re in for a rough time. You already know that there’s no hope of being together, so your best course of action is to let her go.
Perhaps she was someone you had a major crush on, but never made a move on—and now you’ll never get the chance again, and you hate yourself for it. Or perhaps there was a mutual attraction between you—but for some reason, the relationship just can’t happen. And now you’re mourning the loss.
Or maybe it was an ex-girlfriend of yours. Whether the breakup was messy or amicable, you just can't get over her. And it’s getting in the way of your life and happiness.
So, what should you do? We’ll answer that question and more in today’s article.
We just outlined three unique (and yet very common) situations above. Let’s tackle the first one:
Why Can't I Get Over a Girl I Was Never With?
I think everyone has experienced this at least once. I sure have—many times, in fact—before I started learning about women, dating, and being a real man. It’s the reason there are so many advice articles about the one that got away.
You get this huge crush on a pretty woman in your class, in your friend group, workplace, or some other place you frequently go to. And then you get the opportunity to talk to her, ask her out, or even go somewhere private with her.
Unfortunately, you missed the opportunity and now you feel you blew your chances. You’re filled with regret, and now you’re obsessed with her. You can’t think of any other woman—or anything else, for that matter. She’s the only thing on your mind right now.
You know you shouldn’t feel this way, but you do, and now you need a solution. So what should you do?
You might have a case of "Oneitis"
This situation is so common that it now has a name: “Oneitis.” It’s like arthritis, except it’s a disease of your emotions instead of your joints. For some reason, your mind has latched on to the idea that she’s “the one” for you.
Oneitis is dangerous because:
- It’s simply false, as there are many other women out there who are just as good for you, if not much better, than she is;
- It ruins what little chance you have left with her, as it makes you look weak and needy (And no woman can fall in love with a weak man);
- And she might actually be the exact opposite of what you envision her to be. What a heartbreak that would be to get your hopes up only to have them dashed when you get to know her better.
And, yes, you’ll need to cure yourself of oneitis. Fast.
How to beat oneitis
The simplest, fastest, and most straightforward way to beat oneitis is to replace her. So go meet another girl, or 5, or 10. The more dates you go on in as little time as possible, the better—you’ll get over her much faster that way.
Yet here’s what’s even better about meeting 5 or 10 new girls: You’ll quickly realize the woman you have a crush on is not “the one.” There are so many women out there who are:
- Much more approachable
- Much more likable
- Much more relatable
- Much prettier
- Much more fun
Overall, getting over a girl you were never with is a simple matter of replacing her in your mind. You can achieve this replacement with exercise, hobbies, and hard work, but nothing works quite as quickly as meeting 10 new women.
What to do the next time it happens
What if you run into the same situation again? What if you meet an amazing woman and you’re madly in love, but you’re too shy or nervous to approach her?
The answer is simple: Just go ahead and talk to her, especially if she makes eye contact and smiles at you. This is a clear invitation to come over and talk. She might even show signs that she wants you to make a move.
Make no mistake. You must talk to her. She’ll only find you creepy if you don’t, especially after you just looked and smiled at her too.
Now let’s look at the second situation...
How to Get Over a Girl You Liked (And Who Liked You, Too)
This is when both of you have made it clear you had feelings for each other, but for some reason still can’t be together. And now, as you bask in your helplessness, you wonder if you could ever get over her—the one you liked and who liked you too but just couldn’t have.
Was she taken?
This can be the case if she was taken. She had a boyfriend or a husband, she loved him, and while she had feelings for you, she just couldn’t bring herself to betray him. And so the relationship you wanted never happened.
In this case, it’s just as well it didn’t happen. I heartily advise against wrecking an otherwise healthy home. You’re liable to mess her up mentally for life, and her family and household are going to suffer for it.
If you really did love her, you’d spare her. Right?
Did she have to move away?
Another possibility: It didn’t work out because yours was a long-distance relationship. You may have loved each other very much, but you just couldn’t work it out.
Or perhaps life simply got in the way, and you had to move apart because of school or work. Either way, the relationship has ended, but you still can’t get over her.
Luckily, the solution here is the same as with oneitis: Replace her. Go meet lots of women, date them, and have fun with them. You’ll get over her before you know it.
Or was she leading you on?
This last situation is probably the most painful one: She led you on. She teased you, flirted with you, and promised to be your girlfriend or have sex with you “eventually.”
And so, you wine-and-dined her for months or years... only to realize too late she was leading you on or she was just playing you. She never had plans to hook up with you and was instead keeping you around for your money, company, or both. She was more interested in turning you into one of her many admirers, or worse, a simp.
And now, you can’t get over her and want to know what to do.
Likewise, the best solution is to get on with your life, meet new women, and start new relationships. I heartily advise against trying to get revenge—it’ll rob you of even more time and energy.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter whether you had a mutual attraction. What matters is whether the relationship happens or not. If it does, great! If it didn’t, then move right on.
Now, let’s wrap up with the third possible situation: She was an ex.
How to Get Over Your Ex
Your breakup might have been good, or it may have been messy. However it went, you now find yourself unable to get over your ex. What should you do?
The 7-step system of moving on from an ex
We’ve had a go-to 7-step system for moving on from an ex here on BeyondAges for a while. If you want to get over your ex and the relationship you had with her, I suggest you take it one step at a time.
The systematic, methodical way works so much better than brute-forcing your way out of a rut. You’ve probably noticed it by now: Willpower isn’t enough to get you over the hump.
Luckily, there’s a system to these things. There are seven steps to take, so take the first one now.
10 tips to move on faster
Now, let’s say you want to get over your ex even faster? We got that covered, too. We have a list of 10 tips to get over a breakup fast.
These tips are somewhat less methodical and a bit more random, so it may or may not suit your style of learning. I suggest you give it a quick check and see if it gives you some good ideas.
7 extra tricks to help you focus on the future
By now, you’ve learned that the best way to get over a woman—or anyone else, for that matter—is replacement. Here’s the thing, though: You don’t need to strictly replace her with another woman. You can also simply shift your focus onto the future—your future.
We recently wrote an article about 7 methods to help you fix your focus on the future. It’s one of the best ways to stop thinking about your ex and focus your energy on something more productive.
All-in-all, the good news is that we now understand what the human brain is like when going through breakups, grief, and other negative emotions. That’s why we have all these proven systems and methods to help it move onward and upward.
I hope you found the answers you were looking for in this article. Life is short, so make the rest of it the best of it!