If there’s one question we always get asked by single men who try to put themselves out there, it’s this: Is she flirting with me or just being friendly? This is also the question that stops men from making the first move. Since some women are just naturally friendly, it’s easy to misinterpret the signals she gives off.
Imagine this: you’re talking to this beautiful woman who seems like she’s having a good time. She laughs at your jokes and smiles at you while listening to what you have to say. She might even touch your arm when she's telling a story. It looks like she’s into you, so you make a move.
And then the worst happens.
She pulls away and gives you a confused look. Her smile is polite but not as warm as it was before. Then she excuses herself and leaves you feeling like an idiot and wondering how you could have read the situation so wrong.
So, if you’re wondering the signs a girl is flirting or if she’s just naturally friendly, this is a guide you won’t want to miss.
What Flirting and Friendliness Have in Common
There’s a reason why it’s tough to answer the question, “Is she being nice or flirting?” It’s because both flirting and friendliness look very similar. It can be difficult to tell the difference.
Here are some behaviors to look out for when you’re wondering if she’s flirting with me or just being friendly.
Laughing at your jokes
It’s common advice that a woman will laugh at all your jokes if she wants to date you. However, it could actually be that you’re genuinely funny, but she doesn’t have any romantic feelings.
Worse yet, you might not even be funny either. Perhaps she just believes it’s more polite to laugh than stare at you in silence.
Men are also told to look out for compliments if they think a woman is flirting with them. However, that could also be mere friendliness. It’s probably best to consider the type of compliments and the frequency. If she’s consistently praising your good looks, she’s probably flirting. If she says she likes your shirt, it might just be a nice shirt.
She asks you lots of questions
If she’s taking a lot of interest in your life and asking you more questions than most women tend to do, this could be taken as a sign that a woman is flirting. Indeed, it’s not so common for women to be so assertive in a conversation with a man she’s not attracted to.
However, if you do have a particularly interesting life, it could be that she’s curious to know more about that without wanting to be a romantic part of it. Asking questions is also one of the easiest ways to be friendly, so there’s no guarantee she has a crush on you if she’s being inquisitive.
She replies to all your messages
Ghosting and flaking have become so common in modern dating. So, if you find a woman who always responds to your messages, it might be natural to assume that she would be excited to date you or be your girlfriend.
However, that might be a bit presumptuous. There are some women out there who will be polite and respond to men who message them, even if they have no intention of dating them.
A more accurate barometer of her intentions might be to see whether she ever messages you first. Women are less likely to do that unless they have a huge crush on a guy and are desperate to see him. It’s also worth evaluating whether her texts have a flirtatious vibe to them or not.
She invites you places
For all the hints to help you decipher if she is flirting or being friendly, you might think this is a surefire sign of romantic interest. But before you stock up on condoms and make that trip to the florist, consider where she’s inviting you.
Friendly women will be happy to invite you to events with their other friends. The question is: is she happy to meet you one-on-one?
Also, be wary of women who suggest you should “hang out some time” without mentioning any concrete details. In many Western cultures, it is considered friendly to do this even if you have no plans to actually see them again.
Does She Like Me? Is She Being Flirty or Friendly?
Now before we get into the signs to watch for to discover if she is being nice or flirting, there are two very important things you need to know.
1. Women can flirt for fun
Sometimes a girl will flirt with you simply because she’s enjoying all of the attention you’re giving her. She doesn’t actually want anything from you and is definitely not going to jump into bed with you. She’s just enjoying the flirtation and doesn’t want anything more than that.
2. Women believe men and women can be friends
You may approach her because you want to date her or hook up with her, but she may not reciprocate those feelings despite coming across as friendly. She may like you and find you fun to talk to, but that doesn’t mean she’s attracted to you.
Let’s face, all women are different and flirt in different ways. That doesn’t mean you should get discouraged or give up. That’s why I’m here! Let’s examine:
Is She Flirting With Me Or Just Being Friendly?
All the best dating books out there list different signs that a girl is flirting. But nothing beats firsthand experience. There’s an easy way to figure out if a woman is actually into you. The first thing you need to do is to establish a baseline for her behavior. You need to get to know her a little more so you can figure out her baseline for how she acts with men.
For example, if she’s the affectionate sort (you know, the type who hugs all of her friends, female and male) then a hug is not a sign that this girl is flirting with you). If she’s a woman who’s comfortable hanging out with guys as friends, then her being friendly with you is not a sign of interest.
But if she seems a little more shy with you than with other guys, if she blushes or has trouble meeting your gaze with confidence, you’ll know you’re having a physical effect on her. It's a sign that she likes you or is at least interested in you. And that’s a good indication that she finds you attractive.
Finding out what’s normal for her can really help you discern a woman’s feelings for you. And it can prevent you from getting tunnel vision.
What’s tunnel vision, you ask? That’s when you get so focused on what you want that you only notice the behaviors that would confirm her attraction to you while ignoring all of the other signals that she just sees you as a friend.
Some of those signals that she’s put you in the friend zone are:
- She never makes plans with you unless other people will be there too.
- She talks about other men that she likes.
- She’s not affectionate above and beyond her baseline.
- She gives you the same amount of attention as everyone else.
- It takes forever for her to respond to your texts.
- She’s polite and nice but not enthusiastic about talking to you or being with you.
If you’re in a situation where you don’t have the time or opportunity to observe her with other guys, here’s how to tell if a girl is flirting with you:
1. The first sign a girl is flirting with you is that she’ll focus only on you
When a woman is interested in you, she’ll give you her full attention. You can tell that she's been thinking about you. She’ll act like you’re the only person in the room and won’t let other people distract her from interacting with you. If someone does interrupt your conversation, she’ll seem a bit frustrated by it and will quickly reengage with you as soon as she can.
2. You can tell a girl is flirting with you if she explicitly states that she’s single
A lot of guys think that women talk in code. And sometimes, they do. Women wish that men knew how to decode this, but a lot of women prefer to be blunt instead.
If a woman goes out of her way to let you know she’s single, it’s because she REALLY wants you to know. A woman who’s just being friendly won’t be so pointed about it. It may come up in casual conversation, but it won’t be a message that she’s really trying to drive home. So, if you’re talking to a girl and she reinforces how single she is, it’s because she wants you to know she’s available.
3. She’ll ask in-depth questions
Even a woman who is super friendly isn’t going to ask you a lot of personal or in-depth questions. A friendly conversation may be a lot of fun, but it won’t be deep unless you’re already pretty close. If she asks you a lot of personal questions (some of which are about your romantic life), it’s because she wants to know you better. And that’s always a good indication that she’s interested.
4. One of the biggest signs a girl is flirting: she responds well to your touch
One thing that many women want in a man is physicality. They want a man who's not afraid to show their affection. So to flirt with you, many women use touch to build up some sexual tension.
If you think a woman is flirting with you, you can know for sure if she responds to your touch. So say you gradually escalate touching her, maybe on her arm or shoulder. Then she seems comfortable with it or even increases how much she touches you, that’s a good sign she’s into you.
But what if she looks uncomfortable, backs away or suddenly seems less friendly? It’s a good sign that she doesn’t think of you as any more than a friend.
If you’ve ever wished you could tell if a girl is flirting with you, it’s time to learn the difference between friendly and flirting conversation. Once you have a handle on how to tell if she is actually into you, you’ll be able to make a move with more confidence. And that's when you get the girl!