Even if you have the looks, it's hardly ever enough to get a girl to like you. Most women prefer a man with substance, someone they can talk to about anything. They want to be with an interesting man. But most men don't know how to be interesting to a girl they like. This is why, when you learn how to carry a conversation with a girl and keep her mind on you, you'll almost always have a successful date.
In this article, I will show you how to be interesting to a girl to the degree that she can’t stop thinking about you. You will connect with her so deeply she will think you’re different from 99 percent of the other guys she has dated. This isn’t based on gimmicks or silly tricks. It’s pure experience and psychology, so keep reading…
The Basics On Being Interesting to a Girl
What is the fastest way to be interesting to a girl? Make her excited about you way before you open your mouth. Women are quick at making first impressions and they rarely change their minds. Your words won’t matter to her if you don’t carry out yourself in a charming way, so you better watch out.
Here are a few things to become “indirectly” interesting to a girl before ever meeting her:
1. Let her see you with other chicks
Women have a deep desire to “win a man”. She wants to be with a guy that other women want to be with. Nothing fills her ego better than a man who favors her above all women. She doesn’t want an easy win, and that’s where social proof and pre-selection come into play
Having other women around you will trigger her curiosity and competing desires. An interesting man knows how to use jealousy to win a woman. Women don’t hate jealousy. It excites them and assures them that they chose the right guy because if he wasn’t good enough, other women wouldn’t have wanted him.
Let her see you talk to other women, have female friends, show up at the bar with a wing girl, or better – be famous/successful enough to attract women to your life. This can be anything from acting to working at an agency with lots of women.
2. Have solid delivery
You know that communication is 7 percent words and 93 percent body language and tonality. This is what we call delivery.
With people – particularly women – how you say it matters way more than what you say. Interesting men know how to deliver a message. Look her in the eye when you talk, use different facial expressions as you speak or as you listen, just like the famous Barack Obama meme.
Have open, larger-than-life body language. Be loud and clear and let your words vibrate through her body. Also, never be monotonous. Use a wide range of tonality as you speak to women. There are different tones/voices for different situations. How you tell her to get in your car will differ from telling her a sad story or whispering something seductive in her ear.
3. Improve your tonality
When it comes to tonality, Jordan Belfort is the master. He knows how to play with his voice pretty well and puts his emotions behind every word. So even when he fakes it – like the video below – he still sounds genuine, interesting, and persuasive.
Watch how he uses different tones in his famous “Got a Minute?” video from The Wolf of Wall Street
4. And strong eye contact
Eye contact matters too. The worst thing to do is to avoid making eye contact with a woman who thinks you’re interesting. Interesting men use their eyes to evoke women’s emotions. If a woman catches him checking her out, he will keep his eyes on her for a second or two. If she welcomes it, he’ll approach, and if she doesn’t, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t put so much emphasis on the outcome.
Your eyes can do anything from making a girl blush to getting her to follow you to an empty spot, so you must learn how to use it.
5. How you deal with others – Are you a leader or a follower?
Women will look at how people respond to you before deciding whether or not you deserve their attention. Do people follow your order? Do they listen when you speak? Are you a pushover who lets others walk all over you?
A woman is more likely to look at the guy being followed while ignoring the followers. So when you command the respect and attention of other people, you'll command her respect and attention too.
6. Improve the way you look/dress
Even if you're an average guys with average looks and average social skills, the way you dress can immediately take you up a notch. First off, you need to get fit by eating right and going to the gym. But while you're still working on your body, you can use your clothes to make an impression.
I'm not talking about wearing flashy outfits. I'm talking about classic pieces that will catch the eye of any woman nearby. Think a pressed button-down shirt, slacks that fit just right, a classy but not flashy watch. These are just some of the things every man must own, and they should own them because it catches the eye of women.
7. Pride and sense of self-worth
You don’t need much self-worth to become a great entertainer, but you need some of it to become interesting. If you think you’re a person worthy of her time, there’s a chance she’ll notice you AND will end up believing that you are a worthy person.
The only problem? Confidence is a catch-22.
You need confidence to get results and to get confidence you need results... it’s quite confusing. So your best bet should be on assuming confidence and high self-worth until you get enough results with the ladies to make that belief even stronger.
It’s a sense of irrational confidence that you have to push through until it becomes your reality. Call it a façade or “fake it till you make it”, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you don’t let your mind convince you that you’re worthless, because if it does, everyone will see through it.
8. Finally, have an interesting life
The best way to become interesting is to have an amazing life. The more fulfilled your life, the more stories you can share with women on dates or at parties.
Women date up not down. She wants to be with a man who makes her dreams and fantasies come true and moves her life forward, so you’re better off building – or laying the bricks – for an exceptional life and they’ll jump on. Travel, try new stuff, meet your friends weekly, stay close to your hobbies and you’ll become interesting as a byproduct.
In other words, genuinely work towards building something worthwhile. It could be a hobby, your career, gaining more knowledge about a certain topic. These things expand your mind and transform you into a multi-faceted individual, not just some guy who works a 9-5 and sits around at home all night.
How to Carry a Conversation with a Girl to Keep her Interested
Now that I showed you how to be interesting to a girl, it’s time to show you how to stack up more wood to your fire and talk to her in a way that makes her unable to wait for your next date. Here are the best conversation tips to be interesting to a girl you’re talking to whether it’s over the phone, on Tinder, or face-to-face:
1. Open as many conversation threads as possible
Women like their emotions to be evoked. Interesting men are those who can take her on an emotional rollercoaster for as long as she speaks to them. Make her feel angry, happy, jealous, curious, confused and she will like you without knowing why.
Open as many conversation threads as possible. Take her from one story to another without completion, then get back to that same topic later when she asks.
It can look like this: I remember that time when my grandma had a white puppy that almost bit me and... Stop looking at me like that I’m too shy, what’s the creepiest look someone ever gave you?
Another one is: To stop in the middle of a story, tell her to remind you about another story you just remembered but will say later if you like her. That will trigger her curiosity and make her unable to wait till you share that story with her. For example: “Look at that dog, I always wanted a husky. If we liked each other, remind me to tell you how I dealt with my fear of dogs.”
2. Have a few good stories to share
Most women are boring because they're bored. They are used to men crushing on them and jumping through hoops to get their attention. So it takes a man who genuinely stands out to hold her interest.
This means the burden is always on you at the beginning of the conversation to get her hooked – at least at first. The next time you go on a blind or Tinder date, make sure you have at least 3 good stories to share with the girl, otherwise, you’ll risk having a really boring conversation that leads to nothing but a hug and a block on WhatsApp.
Amateurs have awkward silences, professionals share great stories, but the masters learn how to focus the conversation on the girl and make her talk 70 percent of the time, or even more. A story or a question is purposeless if it doesn’t make the girl share snippets from her life with you. Unless they bought a ticket to watch you perform, people want to talk about themselves, so DON’T deprive her of that joy.
3. Make HER talk about HERSELF
There are many ways to make a girl talk about herself, for instance:
- Ask good questions: Duh! To become interesting, you need to ask questions without sounding like an FBI agent interrogating a Russian mob. You should never sound like you’ve been preparing your first-date questions for a week. Every question you throw must sound smooth and inspired by an incident, so it flies under the radar.
For example, I was interested in dating this girl long-term and I wanted to learn more about her relationship with her family because it normally affects her life decisions. I had two choices. Either go the direct way and risk making her defensive by asking, “How many brothers do you have? How’s your relationship with your father? Who's your closest friend?"
I did it like this:
A) I called her a puppy
B) I said a story about my grandma’s puppy that scared me when I was a toddler
C) Said something like, "If I could go back in time, I'd forcemy father to get me a dog. It took me ten years just to be able to touch one."
D) Then I asked, "What’s the one thing you’ll change about your upbringing?"
Then I take it from there.
Of course, you shouldn’t be Sherlock with everything you tell a girl, but you want it to look like she chose to open up to you by comfort not by force. You want her to feel at ease around you and that she has a free space to talk without being judged.
- Rephrase and restate: The next way to make girls talk is to rephrase what she says or make a note of what she’s feeling and then redirect the conversation towards her again. If you follow my texting articles, you’ll notice that I use this technique often.
Just five minutes ago I was chatting with the barista at my favorite coffee shop about shopping. A long conversation started with a comment I made on some girl’s hoodie and ended with her showing me a video of how Turkish vendors make fake Loui Vuitton bags for $100. How? I saw her face light up the moment she talked about bags, so I told her “I never saw you that excited before” and took it from there.
4. Be as indirect as indirect can be
Don’t give her straight answers. Never (or almost). If you want girls to lay down in bed thinking about you then make it harder for them to figure you out. Don’t reveal everything about yourself and keep some stuff hidden, like your past relationships.
You never win by telling a girl how many girls you slept with. You’ll either look like arrogant or you’ll scare her away and make her think she’s just a new ho to add to your lay count. Maneuver around her questions whenever possible, especially the intimate ones. Make her chase you a little bit.
Most men respond to the “what do you do” question by bluntly stating their profession. If your job is interesting and unique, then great. But if it's a pretty generic job, you need to make her more invested in the conversation.
My answer, however, is bold and different. If a girl asks what I do for a living I tease her about it, or even say “So I’m a potential suitor now, huh? Someone’s planning for the future already… If your plan doesn’t have a dog, I’m out.”
When learning how to be interesting to a girl, you should first start with yourself. Be someone you would be interested in. Once you do that, you can move on to learning how you can keep her interested in whatever you have to say.
Even if you're not a particularly unique guy and you don't have a ton of stuff going on in your life, you can still be interesting in your demeanor and the way you talk to her. Best of all, to be interesting to a girl, you should be genuinely interested in her.