You're dating this amazing woman who's practically perfect for you. But sometimes, with no particular trigger, you start to wonder if she's looking at other guys or even entertaining them. You wonder what she gets up to at work or when she's out with friends. You know she's not doing anything to make you think she's cheating on you. But you keep on thinking, "What if?" With that self-awareness, you might be thinking of one thing: how to stop being a jealous boyfriend.
Jealousy isn't a good look. It ruins relationships and brings out the worst in people. Sometimes it's justified when you notice that your girlfriend is acting strangely or if she's been hanging out with some guy way too often. But is jealousy ever really justified? Are there times when it's okay to be jealous? And how can you stop being jealous for no good reason?
Read on to learn all about jealousy, what it does to your relationship, and how you can control your jealous urges.
What is Jealousy? Is It Ever Justified?
Psychologists define jealousy as a fearful or worrying emotional reaction activated by the actual or anticipated interest in another person by someone we care about. To men, this someone is often a girlfriend, fiancé, spouse, or – to a lesser degree – a crush.
Jealousy isn’t always a bad thing. If you’ve been with enough women, you’ll realize that jealousy – for the right reason – turns them on.
I met this girl for a quick coffee date and right before our second she sent me a photo she secretly took for a middle-aged man she exchanged eye contact with at Starbucks but didn’t make a move on her. I abruptly responded and didn’t make a big deal until she sent another picture an hour later, and I responded with this.
Actually, I wasn’t jealous. I just knew that if I let her think I was that “dickless friend”, she'd send me straight to the friendzone.
Similarly, a little bit of jealousy makes women feel wanted.
Nothing makes a woman more resentful than feeling that you don’t care about how she behaves around other men. What may look like “trust” to you, can be translated to “he takes me for granted,” or “he thinks I’m too unattractive for other men to like me.”
This means that setting boundaries and being jealous sometimes matters even to the most promiscuous woman out there.
….to a degree.
Too much jealousy is a big turn-off to all women, especially a woman who has other options to choose from.
Being a Jealous Boyfriend: How It Ruins Relationship
Irrational jealousy, at its core, tells the girl one of two things:
1) You think she's a slut and you don't trust her around other men (which is offensive). No woman, especially one who's in a relationship with you, wants to be thought of as a slut. So when you accuse her of fooling around with other guys, it's like you're saying that she's such a weak person that she can't control herself.
2) You don’t think you’re good enough for her. If you tell a girl that you fear that a better man will take her from you, you also tell her that she didn’t choose well. She might think, "Hmmm, maybe I can attract a better man!"
Accusing a woman of fooling around plants a seed in her mind that can lead to her cheating on you. You've already accused her of a crime and you're doling out the punishment by not trusting her. If she's that type of woman, she might as well cheat on you for real.
Most women don’t see cheating as a possible way out of a relationship, but that may change if you keep bringing up the topic, so don’t underestimate the power of repetition.
How to Stop Being a Jealous Boyfriend
Most guys aren't even remotely curious about how to stop being a jealous boyfriend. But if you know that your jealousy is ruining your relationship and you want to do better, we've got some tips for you.
First off, let’s be honest. It may take time to stop being jealouys, especially if jealousy is deeply ingrained in your being. However, you will still get good results if you follow these steps:
1. Ask the big Q
Time to take a deep look at yourself and ask “what’s the worst-case scenario and what do I fear if I lost this girl?”
It’s the idea that you can’t get a girl of a similar caliber that makes you think your girlfriend will dump or cheat on you. Is she so hot that you think you won’t get another one who's as good as she is? Or maybe you don’t think you’re good enough to be with quality women and that she is your last chance of being with a good woman?
More often than not, jealousy is borne out of fear: the feat of losing the woman you love. So when your entire sense of self-worth is hinged on this one woman and she leaves you, you're left with nothing.
The solution? Have other things going on in your life that will give you a sense of pride in your life. Yes, you can be a completely devoted and amazing boyfriend. But if your jealousy turns out to be founded and she leaves you for someone else, you will still have something going on in your life that brings you joy.
2. Be the best she’ll ever have
Some men are so lazy that they want to bring their women to their level instead of working their asses off to become so good that their women can’t trade them for any other man. Ask yourself, am I really the best she can get? If so, that doesn't mean you should be complacent. Don't just grow old; get better. Here's how:
- Look better: Exercise, eat better food and dress like a hotshot.
- Make good bank: Work your ass off and succeed in whatever you do.
- Bang her really well: Rock her world and occupy her mind with a non-stop stream of orgasms and she may not need to look elsewhere
- Be a better man. A lot of women believe that it's hard to find a good man these days. So if you're the rare example of a good man, she'll never want to leave you.
But what if she’s surrounded by other dudes who are hotter or more successful than you? And this takes us to the second step….
2. If you can’t beat them physically, do it mentally
On paper, no woman would drop Jeff Bezos for Leo DiCaprio. The actor may be cuter, but Bezos is way richer, equally famous, and is more muscular especially after TRT (Testosterone Replacement Therapy). But DiCaprio got game. He believes he’s the shit, and that all women would kill for him.
On the other hand, Bezos still got part of his old “geek persona” alive in the back of his head, which appeared clearly in that quick chat between the three, DiCaprio, Bezos, and Lauren Sanchez (Bezos’ current girlfriend).
In other words:
If you behave like you’re the best she can get she’ll most likely believe it too
This can’t happen if you look insecure each time she talks to another man…
….But what if your woman constantly makes you jealous?
3. Pick the right woman for you
Just like some men will never handle responsibility, some women aren’t relationship material. Whoever said that you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife was right. Some women can’t respect being in a relationship with a guy, be it a boyfriend or a husband.
Women who aren't relationship material get bored pretty easily and always want constant reassurance from other men to feel good about themselves. So they’ll flirt with anything that has testosterone on it. If your girlfriend is like that, and she constantly makes you jealous, tell her you don’t like it and watch if she’ll behave.
If she doesn’t, then pull back, learn the lesson, and start searching for the right woman for you. One way you can start searching is by going online to meet women. If you're not too fussed about not having a significant other, then you could always learn to be happily single until the right girl comes along.
4. Get professional help
If jealousy is deeply rooted in you, therapy might be your best option. A good therapist can help you discover what it is that has made you a jealous person. They can also give you different tips on how to prevent jealous thoughts from brewing in your mind. Keep in mind that therapy won't instantly stop you from being a jealous boyfriend. But it will help you discover ways of coping with jealous thoughts so that they won't ruin your relationships.
Not a lot of men want to learn how to be a jealous boyfriend. So just the fact that you've finished reading this article means you're already on the right track. Jealousy can ruin your relationship with a good woman and it can even lead to you losing her. That's why it's important to prevent jealousy from rearing its ugly head and making you find fault in your relationship when there isn't one.