You’re already in a relationship; that’s great! You’ve gone through all the hoops to attract her and get her to in an exclusive relationship with you. But after the chase, you may be wondering how you can keep your relationship exciting even when you’re just sitting at home and hanging out. You may be wondering, “What should I talk about with my girlfriend?”
It’s not like you started dating her despite not having anything to talk about. Of course you have a lot of things in common aside from mutual attraction. The issue here might be that you know there are certain things couples should talk about, but you’re just not sure what they are. Aside from that, you might also want some ideas on topics to talk about to maintain her attraction to you.
Here’s your guide for what to talk about with your girlfriend.
What Should I Talk About With My Girlfriend
The best thing about healthy relationships is that you can talk about almost anything with your girlfriend without feeling bored or offended. Below, I will list and describe a few topics you should talk about from fun, light topics to deep and more serious ones.
Your future together
Don’t talk to your girlfriend about her future with you… Paint it.
Tell her all the things you want to do together as a couple now and as you get older
The city you want to live in and the kind of house you want to have. If one of you wants to live in New York City while the other wants to move back home, that could be an issue that needs resolution before putting a ring on her finger. Discuss your roles together after you start a family. How much time each of you will dedicate to work after marriage, and does any of you want to be a stay-at-home mom or dad?
Studies show that women from divorced families are more likely to get a divorce themselves. This means that if you plan on making her your wife then you must know everything about her family and her relationship with them. This is important because people (not just women) model their behavior after what’s familiar to them. So if her family behaves a certain way, chances are this is what she expects out of a relationship.
If you don’t know where to start, then begin by asking about childhood memories, her parents, and siblings. If you don’t know much about each other, then this is the time you can spill everything about your and her future in-laws.
Also, most children bond well with their grandparents so don’t forget to ask her about them. Ask if they’re still alive, how often she gets to see them, and whether there are any traditions or stories that she likes to share with you.
Girls like to talk about their friends. Normally, you should be her best friend since couples who treat each other like besties are found to be the happiest. But we’re here talking about her friends, so pay attention to them because they might be the most important people in your girlfriend’s life, even more than other family members. Respecting her friends and asking about them will open many threads between you. Also, the type of people she befriends and her relationship may tell you a lot about her personality and life choices.
Remember that if you think your girlfriend is the only decent person in a group of toxic people, think again. Being friends with terrible people is a huge red flag that won’t contribute to a healthy relationship.
We all like to share the things we have passion for with our loved ones and it’s not worth being in a relationship if you can’t open up about your favorite things to your girlfriend.
Sharing your passions with her makes her feel included. It also shows her what makes you happy and gives her a chance to participate with you and take an even bigger role in your life. In fact, a woman's excitement about her man’s interests indicates how well a relationship is going, especially the longer you stay together. If she actually listens and seems genuinely excited about your team or the band you just made with your buddies, it’s a good indicator that the spark is still there.
Asking a woman about her interests even after you’re already in an exclusive relationship means a lot to her than if you’re doing so just to get into her pants.
Sharing her passions with you will teach you how well your personalities match together for a long-term commitment. It will also show you what kind of activities would make for a great date night or weekend trip together. Lastly, simply being interested in what she’s interested in will immediately make her want you more.
Her career goals
It’s important to learn whether your girlfriend has any career goals or if she wants to settle down and start a family. Knowing what your girlfriend wants to accomplish in her job will help you plan your life together and gives you so many things to talk about.
Ask her about her career aspirations and how she sees herself in three, five, or even ten years. You can also show more interest by asking more specific questions like how she plans to balance her career and her kids (if she wants them). This is also the perfect time to tell her how you want to help her achieve both her career goals and her goals as a parent.
Tell her your goals and encourage her to share hers with you
So, the universe finally gave you a shoulder to lean on, so why not share your goals with her as well? Talking about your goals to the right person has a lot of benefits. You’re more likely to achieve a goal if you make a public declaration than if you keep it to yourself.
Women love to know that their man is after something big. It affirms their choice and makes them more confident about starting a family with you since you’re more likely to be a good provider. Plus, the right girl will set up the right environment and give you the support you need to grow bigger.
Not every secret should be shared. Some secrets are better kept to yourself. For example, if you have a problem at work, you’d rather work on it than share the burden with your girl. Some will resent you for it, and some will think you’re incompetent.
But that doesn’t mean you should keep a tight chest all the time. Girls love it when you tell them something that nobody else knows. It builds more trust and fosters a stronger emotional connection, makes her understand you more, and gets you closer to each other.
Working out with your girlfriend can make you fitter and happier according to studies. Ask your girlfriend about her health goals and share yours with her. Whether you want to lose weight or put on some muscle, you will achieve your fitness goal much easier with your girlfriend on board.
Books and personal developments
Read together and share your favorite books with each other. Reading is a great way to relax and unwind, but it can also be a great way to bond with your girlfriend. Most likely you'll get more out of any book if you read it with someone else because the discussions will give you insights that you wouldn't have gotten on your own.
Sharing good memories is another great way to bond with your girlfriend. Whether it’s the first time you went on a date, the first fight you got in, or the first Harry Potter movie you watched, those memories can crack your girlfriend up and encourage her to open up and share hers with you.
Talk about what makes her angry, sad, or annoyed
This can be the start of a deep conversation. Encourage your girlfriend to vent out about what annoys her and, more importantly, be willing to listen. People often won't say "I'm having a bad day" because we don't want to burden others with our problems or make them feel bad for doing something fun around us. Your role is to let her spill those suppressed emotions with you and use them to get closer to her, or else, she’ll find another shoulder to cry on and you may regret it later.
Just remember: when a woman vents, she doesn’t want a solution. Rather, she wants someone who will listen and validate what she’s feeling.
Talk about any silly things you might do together
Making plans is another thing that brings couples together. Brainstorm all the silly or daring things you can do with your girlfriend and plan to actually do them. There are so many fun things you can do without spending a dime like playing pretend, hosting a game night with your friends, or texting with the non-dominant hand and the one who makes the most typos pays out $10. Being silly is a great way to build a stronger bond.
Foodie couples love to cook, eat and explore the culinary world together. They are always looking for new recipes to try, restaurants to visit, and ingredients to experiment with. If that’s you, then you can spend valuable time with your girlfriend while cooking or eating something tasty. If you don’t know where to start, you can begin by making a list of all the food you want to try together, then planning to cook indoors or go out for dinner at least once a week then using those nights out to chat and strengthen the bond between you.
Do you share the same love for pop culture, gossip, and cheap entertainment then why not do it together? If you and your girlfriend are real TV addicts, then you can find so much to do together starting from recommending things to each other to binge-watching them on Netflix or finishing IMDB’s list of the best 100 movies of all time.
Flirt with her
A healthy relationship requires a big dose of flirting. But what if you already got the girl and you know for sure that she already likes you? No problem.
Make a secret list of all the things you like about her and compliment her whenever you have the chance. If you don’t know where to start, I already have a full guide on how to flirt with a woman. Use it wisely, and she will fall for you even harder than before.
Quirks and embarrassing moments
Whether you accidentally farted in front of a really hot girl, tripped on the stairs at the mall, or had your fly open for a whole day without realizing it, girls love to hear about those times when you did something stupid or goofy.
Sharing your embarrassing moments (including childhood memories) with your girlfriend shows her that you’re interesting and had experienced lots of things in life and that you're not afraid of being vulnerable around her, which is a huge turn-on.
This will also make your girlfriend feel like she knows you better than before — which will lower her guard and make her more comfortable around you. You’ll also give her something funny to talk about with her friends and family later on.
Things she can’t do
People tend to see their significant other in a very positive light, especially early in the relationship. However, it is important to have a pep talk with your girlfriend every now and then where you give tips to each other about what you can do better to improve your lives and the relationship.
Don’t assume that your girl will automatically read your mind. We all come from different backgrounds and she won’t know what to do to be a better partner just by looking at your face. You need to tell her what those things are without making it sound like an insult or an accusation against her.
Talking about your past relationship can be really difficult, especially if there are feelings of jealousy or insecurity involved. But it's important to put those feelings aside and have an honest discussion that can help build trust between you and your partner. If your girlfriend’s past bothers you, talking about it can enlighten you and help you be more accepting.
When you talk with her, try to include your exes in addition to anyone you and she had dated before. It’s important to watch for any signs of discomfort so none of you feels bad about it. Here are a few things you can ask or answer depending on the mood and the situation:
- What went wrong in your past relationships?
- Any weird exes or guys who tried to date you?
- How did each of you handle the breakup?
Remember, try to make it as fun as possible. The goal is to be honest with each other not to evoke jealousy and bad emotions. So, take things lightly, and add a little humor to it.
Sex is a major part of any relationship and should take a great part of your conversations with your girlfriend.
Talk to her about your favorite sex positions and about the ones you wish to try and the ones you don’t like. Also, make sure to ask her about the ones she wants to try. How often she orgasms will determine how happy she feels with you. This study suggests that orgasms are positively correlated to relationship satisfaction (go figure). So, you need to bring your A-game as often as possible to stay happy.
When the mood is right, ask her what she really likes in bed and let her tell you her favorite positions and the positions she wants to explore. Some girls might be timid at first, so you might want to ask the question multiple times. You’ve already been together for a while, so there should be room for some bedroom curiosity and little, or no shyness.
Roleplays and fantasies
Why do you think 50 Shades of Gray has made so much money? Because women think about sex as much as we do, if not more. If you want to know how wild women can go, read Nancy Friday’s “My Secret Garden” and it will change the way you deal with women in bed.
There’s just one problem:
Sexual fantasies are taboo in many societies. It’s not always easy to get your girlfriend to open up about her sex fantasies because women have been taught to conceal those fantasies lest they’re judged by society so they keep them to themselves or share them with their best friends, but rarely with their partners.
The goal is to open your mind and take things lightly. Be supportive and understanding. It can be difficult for women to express their fantasies because they worry that their partners won’t be turned on by them. So don’t take things too seriously and ask her about the roles she likes to play in bed and see how she responds. Most of the time, there will be a few things that will turn you on and make both of you happy.
Money and debt
Money is one of the reasons couples break up and it's your responsibility as a man to find out what's going on with finances. This may seem like a sensitive or unnecessary topic but learning about each other’s spending habits early on will save you so much trouble along the road because some bad money habits like immature shopping are hardly resistible.
The first step is getting clear on what's going on financially. You need to know where your money is going and how much you both earn. You also need to know what debts you have, including student loans and credit card balances. If that’s too big of a talk, then try to ease it by asking your girlfriend about her financial goals then the rest will reveal itself as you plan your goals together.
Religion and the afterlife
Whether it’s important to you or not, you need to be on similar terms with your girlfriend when it comes to religion. It might not be a fun conversation, but it’s necessary.
Being on opposite terms from each other can gradually drift both of you apart or cause you to break up. And since faith is a touchy topic for many people, then you’re better off having this conversation when you are both in a good mood and relaxed. Ask her whether she believes in the afterlife or not, how she practices her faith, and what spiritual goals can both of you participate in. Another way is to read some religious books together so you can understand each other’s point of view.
Do you want children?
Does she share the same goals?
How many children do you want to have and how religious will they grow to be?
Children are a very sensitive topic that you and your girlfriend should discuss as soon as you become more serious with each other. It’s rare that a couple with different views on children lasts together, so make sure that both of you want the same thing before it’s too late.
Values and standards
Relationships without boundaries and set-in-stone standards don’t last. You and your girlfriend should specify your non-negotiables clearly as soon as you become partners. Think about your past relationships and how they ended. What did you feel was missing? What were the problems? Do you want something different now?
Once you’ve asked yourself those questions, think about what’s important to you in a relationship. What do you want from it? What do you take for granted? What is non-negotiable? Answer all these questions on paper then discuss the results with your girlfriend.
Planning date ideas can be as fun a conversation as the date itself so don’t deny your girlfriend the pleasure. Talk together about things you haven’t done in a while or haven’t done before. Maybe you want to go for a hike in the woods or walk along a nearby beach or take your girlfriend out dancing or to see live music. Those plans will make her feel important and appreciated and give the relationship a good spark.
How to Have a Fun Conversation with Your Girlfriend
If you want to keep your relationship going strong, then you need to know what kind of conversations will help maintain it. The question shouldn’t be “What should I talk about with my girlfriend” but rather, “How should I talk to my girlfriend?”
Humor and being social are teachable skills. Anyone can become funny as much as they can learn how to play the piano…
Start with these three tips:
Always be on the lookout for things to say (It takes effort)
Sometimes you’ll feel like you’re too bored to have a conversation with your girlfriend. You just want peace after a long day at work and you can’t handle one more conversation. Sometimes you just want to empty your mind. These thoughts are fine as long as you throw them in the trash and not act on them. Relationships take effort to succeed so the first step to having great conversations with your girlfriend is to be WILLING to talk to her beyond the routine talk that you have each day.
Be on the lookout for things to say and you will find a lot of them. Opportunities come to those who look for them. As soon as you decide to open your eyes to new conversation opportunities
Use text to initiate conversations
Some men text better than they talk. I learned how to talk to women by analyzing my own chats with women. I was amazing on text but not the best talker, so I copied what I type to the real world. If that’s you, then why not use the internet to make her even more attracted to you?
Social media is full of hilarious topics, memes, videos, and gifs. Rather than using WhatsApp to just check up on your girlfriend or ask her about work, text her those funny memes you share with your pals, then use those texts in your normal conversations.
Learn how to tease her
Teasing is the ultimate conversation skill that every man must learn. Women love to be teased because it’s fun. People are taught to be nice to their superiors and by teasing a woman you give the impression that you aren’t afraid of her which makes you more desirable than all the nice guys out there. I’ve already covered teasing in several guides, including:
- How to Tease a Girl in 2023 - Even if You're Not Funny
- How to Tease Women Like An Expert & Get Results (With Examples)
- What You Need To Do When She's Hot And Cold To Turn Things Around (Experts Answer)
What If You're Not on the Same Page?
Relationships have their ups and down and, no matter how much you love each other, there will be lots of arguments and fights, especially in the first few years of the relationship. You will argue or even fight with your girlfriend over lots of things from money issues to what to watch on tv. Most of these fights resolve around four things; money, children, love and relationship rules, and the everyday things (chores, getting home late, etc), and here’s how to deal with each one of them:
As I said earlier, money is one of the hot topics in relationships next to cheating and kids. In fact, studies show that it’s a major source of tension in relationships and it’s one of the biggest causes of divorce in the country. Being on different financial pages may not sound like an issue now, but it will be in the future.
Laws in most states and cities around the world don’t oblige you to pay off your pre-marital debts and won’t consider your girlfriend’s debt when assessing your credit score. Still, you will probably interfere if she loses her job or decides to take a pay cut or be a stay-at-home mother.
So, what should you do if your girlfriend is irresponsible with money?
Some dating experts say you shouldn’t marry someone who’s in large debt, which is partially true since they’ll probably carry their financial baggage with them in the future. But this requires that you stop to talk about your girlfriend and see where her debt came from. Debts aren’t created equally. Huge credit card debts racked up over the years should be treated differently than student loans.
- But before rushing into any unwise decision, there are a few things you should do:
- Have a calm, nonjudgmental conversation about money
- If you’re good with money, try to educate her about specific topics like budgeting and investing. Likewise, if she’s better with money than you are, be open to learning from her
- Agree on specific spending limits each month
- Talk about who should handle budgeting
Give it time and see if she can fix her money habits. If you notice any progress then fine, but if not then you’re better off ending the relationship before it gets toxic
As I said earlier, raising children is a sensitive topic that you should discuss early in the relationship, and this requires a deep conversation. It starts by following these rules:
- This conversation should be done early on and as soon as you two become serious
There’s a chance both of you will be fixed on an opinion and you may need a breakup. In this case, breaking up three months into a relationship is much easier than if you’ve been together for years.
- Discuss exactly why you or she disagree about having children
Is her upbringing too strict? Is yours too lax? Do you have differing opinions on screen time and social media for children? These are things you should talk about and compromise on. After all, it’s better to lay it all out now than to learn about your extremely different parenting styles while you’re already raising a child.
- Try to see things from your girlfriend's perspective
Compassion is the first step to change someone’s mind. Before getting angry or throwing accusations at her because she favors a different parenting style, you want to put on her glasses and see the matter the way she sees it. Does she have a point? Is she willing to compromise?
- Find out if children are really the main issue
Hear me out on this one. There’s also the possibility that her gripes about having children and raising them aren’t actually about children–they’re about her expectations from a relationship. She might say something like, “I’ll teach my kids to be good communicators because SOME PEOPLE are terrible at it.” This one’s about you, not her future kids, so keep an eye out.
Everyone has his concept of what a relationship should look like. For the relationship to work, both of you should share your visions together and at least agree on most of them through a set of boundaries and rules that you establish together.
So talk about what she’s comfortable with and what you’re comfortable with in different settings. For example, she might be fine if you stay at work late, but she’s not comfortable with that if only you and “that girl you’re telling her not to worry about” will be in the office. Likewise, you might be okay with her going on her weekly girls’ night out, but not if she comes home at the break of dawn and blind drunk.
You can talk about these boundaries over several conversations and only when they come up. But you should really set your boundaries early on.
The little things
In any relationship, there are times to set boundaries and speak up for yourself, and times to let things slide and choose peace over war. When it comes to the little things, you should choose peace 80 percent of the time, and always be respectful.
Couples argue about almost everything: who takes out the trash, laundry, the toilet seat, leaving the lights on, or even you hogging all the covers from her. These little conversations are part of the process and should upset neither of you, instead, both of you should do the following:
- Listen to the other person’s point of view
- Respect that both of you come from two different worlds
- Stay calm and keep your emotions in check
- Focus on now and don’t bring up old arguments
- Apologize when being wrong
Communication is a big part of the relationship if you want to have a good one with your girlfriend. You need to occupy a decent space in each other’s lives or else either of you will look elsewhere to seek that void. Know as much as possible about her, what makes her happy and sad as well as how she reacts under different situations that may occur in your relationship. These things will show to a great degree whether you should continue together or not.